I had the delight and blessing to be able to venture out with a small group of people to the mountains on Chihuahua Mexico with the intentions of meeting and connecting with the esteemed pianist and composer Romayne Wheeler and the indigenous people (Rarámuri) that live in that region. Additionally, in the week of our time there, we were wanting to gather footage to create an inspirational documentary film about Romayne Wheeler’s life, how he came to live with the Rarámuri people, which led to his actualization of his life’s higher purpose- being of service and making a positive difference through the creation and sharing of his music. 
In this blog I would like to share with you a little about this beautiful and amazing story, the interesting history and culture of the Rarámuri people and what we hope this documentary film will inspire in those that watch it.
To start, my dear friend, Curt Cetraro, invited me on this trip because Romayne has deeply touched and inspired him and he wished to share the experience of this simple, yet majestic way of life out in this mountainous region with others. Because of my own musical background, he also felt that I would find inspiration and have my own creative ideas to contribute to this filming project and also the non-profit organization “Music Making a Difference,” which Curt created in order to carry on Romayne’s legacy. Below is a photo of Curt and I, in front of the cathedral in Chihuahua, the day before we headed out on a small 6 seater Cessna plane out to the mountainous region of Retosachi.
Curt has been a very supportive ally in my musical journey. I originally met him in a yoga studio at a musical sharing of my own in Sacramento, through mutual friends. On that first meeting he told me he would like to see me perform in a bigger venue and that he’d be happy to help make happen. Curt is the kind of person that follows through with his word. A year or so later, he organized a wonderful concert at the beautiful Harris Center performing arts venue in Folsom, on the Winter Solstice where myself and other visionary musicians Shim Shai and Chad Wilkins got to share our music! He also funded the creation of my gorgeous, custom made ukulele from TYDE Music- that is literally the most beautiful work of art for an Ukulele that I have ever seen! That all being said, I just wanted to make the point that Curt is the kind of person that us independent artist/musicians NEED and Appreciate SO MUCH! He KNOWS in his heart the power that Music has to truly MAKE A DIFFERENCE in the world and in the hearts of Humanity. 
Curt, as well as two others in our group Andi and David, had already been out to this place the year prior. For myself and the two film maker friends from Costa Rica, Juancho and Paula, it was our first experience out there. After our first night of getting to meet and know each other at the hotel in the city of Chihuahua, we flew out bright and early the following morning over the stunning mountains and valleys, about a 40 minute flight, to our destination- a dirt air strip atop a mesa in a region called Retosáchi. (Retosáchi in the municipality of Guachochi, Chihuahua, which is in the Sierra Madre Occidental range — also known as the Sierra Tarahumara.) About 450 families are scattered throughout the area. On this particular mesa lives Romayne and a number of other families. There is also a small hospital and school, both created and sustained through the funding of Romayne’s support. 
It was so breathtaking, approaching the mesa and seeing Romayne’s house (affectionally called “The Eagle’s Nest”) sitting on the edge of tall, sheer cliff- knowing I would be staying in that house for the next week. Upon landing we were greeted by Romayne, his helpful female companion Marichu and a pack of dogs (which he kept off the runway with the dog food “croquettes.”)
In addition to being pianist and composer, Romayne is also a painter, poet and philosopher- and he has the profound gift of utilizing whatever surrounds him for inspiration for his creations. 
A little background story about this remarkable human-  “He was born to Born in 1942, he grew up in California, graduating from high school in 1960. Already writing music at age 7, in 1952 he heard Segovia give a concert in San Juan, PR and on the spot determined to become a musician. He went to Austria in 1961, spent a year in Salzburg then studied in Vienna for a total of 12 years, earning degrees in composition and as a concert pianist. Returning to the USA, he started touring and playing, nationally and internationally, which continues today. During a weather-delayed trip in New Mexico in 1980, he came across a copy of National Geographic magazine in an Albuquerque café which featured a story on the Rarámuri. He spent 1980-1981 hiking the area and sleeping in a tent. He teemed up with a young Japanese tourist who knew no Spanish, but was an expert in origami (making designs out of paper) which endeared them to the Raramuri. Having spent time earlier with the Hopi, he describes meeting the Rarámuri as “coming home”. In Creel he met Father Verplanken SJ who painted a stark picture of the Rarámuri needs. Wheeler contributed three quarters of his earnings to the St Teresita hospital in Creel from 1985-2000.The connection between the world of nature and the world of the soul is what Romayne Wheeler finds in the life of the Rarámuri. As a composer he creates music which is in tune with the nature which is all around him in the sierras. “I have finally arrived where I yearned to be” he says. But he needs to go back regularly to the modern world to perform concert tours for income to support his local projects.” - https://www.amigos3.com/romayne-wheeler-in-the-copper-canyon/
My friend Curt learned of Romayne a handful of years ago, through a mutual friend who would often speak about him with much admiration. Curt finally was determined to meet this man and so he began corresponding with him by email and finally found a way to go out there, which then beautifully altered the course of his own life. Curt found great inspiration from Romayne’s wisdom, genius and selfless service and also was deeply moved by the Raramuri’s values and humble ways of life.  Romayne and Curt developed a special friendship and trust and he soon felt a desire to also be of service. Curt began organizing piano concerts for Romayne and sharing his music with friends. Romayne, now 80 years old, is feeling like he doesn’t have the energy to continue his usual world touring which then created the predicament: “How will I continue to support all these families’ ways of life?”  And so, Curt has created a new nonprofit organization for this purpose: “Music Making a Difference.” 
Below is a candid photo I took of Curt and Romayne from the loft where I slept in the “Eagle’s Nest.”
You see this giant Steinway Grand piano? Can you imagine how a piano like this got out to this remote area and placed in this dwelling on a cliff overlooking the canyons? I will tell you- (one of the many wonderful stories we heard from Romayne). The piano was driven into the area in the back of a large truck which was filled with potatoes. The potatoes kept the piano from moving around in the truck. When it finally arrived to this mesa, after hours and hours on long dirt roads, a bunch of the local people helped to lift this piano out and place it here, with the potatoes being divided up amongst them as payment for their efforts. After being in this house I still can’t fathom how they got this piano in there- Its almost as if this house was built around it. This house is literally built into the side of cliff. the upper loft where I slept and lower level where Romayne sleeps (next to his piano) are connected by a narrow metal staircase. The wall connecting the lower to upper part of the house is the natural rock (as you can see in the photo below) But let me back up a little….to before this house was ever built….
Also, in case anyone is interested, Romayne has written some really beautiful books about his life with the Raramuri, including many wonderful, heart touching stories- I enjoyed reading from these books while I was staying there in his house. It was really special even getting to meet many of the people he spoke about in these stories.
Romayne spends an average of six hours a day at his piano, playing, practicing and composing. On a table near his piano are stacks of compositions he has written, all organized in their folders according to Opus number. On another table are more stacks, some works in progress, with calligraphy pens nearby which he uses to create his compositions. In his little office area are many books and music compositions by other composers like Chopin, Gershwin, Schubert, Liszt and Bach. In a large treasure chest type of container were stacks and stacks of more of his original handwritten compositions! I didn’t mind at all listening to him “practice.” Sometimes he would play certain “phrases” of a song over and over as exercises. For his concerts he often plays a mixture of his own original compositions, as well as favorite classics that people love hearing, such as Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue” and Schubert’s  “Ave Maria.” One evening I requested he play Ave Maria and I accompanied him with singing. 
When Romayne first came to this area 40 years ago, he knew he found his home. Beginning in 1991, he lived his first few years there in a cave below and not far from where his house is currently. He would tour for a couple of months out of the year in many countries, doing concerts, and then he would return to his cave abode where he slept on the ground on woven mats. He and his friend Juanito would cook basic food in that cave with a fire and he would play piano and compose music with his solar powered keyboard. Before Romayne’s arrival, the indigenous people out there had never heard the sound of a piano. The way they described is was “the sound of the rain.” Below is a photo of Juanito, showing us the cave where he stayed with Romayne. After a few years of this Juanito suggested building a house up above, on top of the mesa. Thus, the “stone house” was built, which took more than a month to build. 

Also, nearby the cave that Romayne lived in there are some other caves that have very old drawings in a red pigment that even the Rarámuri do not know who made them. What we were told is that they come from “a time when there was giants.” (see photos above)
I’d like to share more about what I learned about the Rarámuri ways of life. I would like to make the distintion: “Tarahumara” is the name given to these people by the Spanish, and is still commonly used when referring to these people, however I am intentionally using the name by which they refer to themselves: Rarámuri- which can be translated to mean “runners on foot.” Indeed these people are known widely for their amazing ability and endurance in long distance running- as it is part of their life! Villages can sometimes be many miles apart from each other. They have adapted to walking and running long distances in their traditional sandals (huaraches). In fact racing is a part of their traditional custom that has competitive and ceremonial aspects that serve the community. We got to witness one of these races on the day that there was a fiesta. Six men participated in the race. We watched in amazement as they ran back and forth along the mesa, kicking their carved wooden balls along with them. (see below)
Above is Juanito showing us some of the balls that he carved for us in a beautiful woven basket made by his partner. Juanito, like quite a few other Rarámuri people, has travelled to other countries to run in races. Its kind of funny to see many of the men wearing various racing shirts. We actually met a rather famous Rarámuri marathon runner who came for the fiesta, named Arnulfo Quimare. He was featured in the well known book “Born to Run.” (photo below)
The Rarámuri are a fiercely resilient people. Originally they lived throughout the state of Chihuahua, however in the 16th century, they retreated into the mountains to resist Spanish conquest and Christian conversion.  Through all the struggles and resistance they still maintain their language, which belongs to the Uto-Aztecan family. They grow their crops of maize (corn), beans, squash, greens and tobacco. They also raise cattle, goats and sheep. Where we were we most commonly saw goats. They do not consume too much meat, only for special ceremonial occasions. From Spanish influence many other fruit bearing trees have been introduced into the area for food, such as apples, peaches, apricots, figs and oranges. They weave beautiful baskets from a leaf from a plant that grows plentifully in the area and they use these baskets for gathering and for keeping their corn and tortillas in. While we were there, many women were busy weaving baskets to sell to us. One basket took them a day to make. I definitely brought quite a few baskets back with me! Below is Juanito’s partner, Raijina.
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For the Rarámuri, their survival is their first and foremost concern- and that is dependent on food and water. Their success of their crops is of utmost importance and the Rarámuri. On our walk with Porfirio, we walked through many beautiful corn fields, plentiful with other blooming flowers, and lots of bees buzzing.  For a long time these people did not have easy access to water. Although there are streams that run in various places, they are not easily accessible by many. Water tanks have been constructed in various locations with solar water pumps which work to pump water to houses. They also gather rain water from the roofs (now that the roofs are made out of corrugated metal). Electricity is also not commonly accessed out in this region. In the winter it gets freezing out there, snow and all! Porfirio expressed that more warm clothing is definitely needed. Below are some photos of some of the basic living situations. The homes are typically made out of mud brick. Food is cooked in pots over a fire either inside or outside the home. Each home usually has a garden containing some supplemental vegetables such as peppers, squash or other greens/herbs. I also saw quite a few fruit trees planted around the houses. Porfirio expressed the importance of attaining seeds for growing plants. When I shared with him some golden berries on a hike he wondered if he could try to grow them from the seeds inside.
Their cultural values are based on the “four directions,” which is symbolized as a cross. This can often times be misinterpreted as a Christian cross, in fact during their ceremonies they utilize wooden crosses which look very much like the Christian crosses but they are not. The Four directions is also akin to the Tree of Life. The South (the Roots) is the value “Korima” - sharing and reciprocity. This value is foundational to the resilience of the community- food and resources are always shared. Hoarding is very frowned upon, and stealing even worse- and this is rare amongst the Rarámuri. Although things are shifting due to outside influences, generally the Rarámuri do not attribute value to “things”- value is based on what is useful to their actual survival. The West is Humility. The Rarámuri are very humble and very soft spoken and quiet people, and can be perceived as shy- there is no boasting or gossiping. The incessant chatter of Westerners can often be overwhelming to them. An example of their gentle nature is the way the greet each other: by touching the tops of the fingers lightly. To grab their hands and shake them would be aggressive for them. The North is maintaining Connection to Creator (through the fontanel on the head)- this is where we receive guidance and inspiration. And finally the East is the value of creating Happiness through Music. For the Rarámuri, music is regarded as a bridge to eternity.
 Now I’d like to share more about the role music plays in their life. The two most commonly played instruments are the violin and the guitar. Obviously these instruments were adopted from other cultures however they have integrated them into their ceremonies and fiestas. The songs that are played have a revolving melodic theme, that almost sound like Irish jigs- so interesting! And their dance, known as the matachin may also have origins with the Spanish, however they have made it their own. As I listened and observed, I could see and feel how they would become completely absorbed and present in the music and dance.
Flute and drum are also a part of their musical ways, however these instruments are ONLY played in the months of February-April (to call in the new life of the Spring season) and are forbidden to be played any other time because it is believed that it will disrupt the natural cycles. I was ignorant of this and I had brought my native American flute with me. One day I thought I would play the flute out on the cliff. There was some inkling in me that felt uneasy about doing so and so I did not continue to play t for very long. I later had showed Romayne my flute and he nonchalantly told me, “that’s very nice but flute is not to be played this time of year, Years ago I almost got thrown off the cliff from playing a flute when I shouldn’t have….” I don’t know how much he was exaggerating but I took it very seriously. By the way, Romayne is an epic storyteller- speaking with eloquence melodic inflections of his voice. 
 During the opening ceremony on the day before the fiesta, we watched as the elder of the community, Candelaria, brought out three crosses to a clearing, arranged them, with cloth laid over them. These crosses are symbols of their “Four directions”- the fundamental life values of the Rarámuri.  Candelaria is the daughter of Luciano, who was a beloved medicine man and musician of that community, also a  mentor/”godfather” figure to Romayne.)  
We watched from afar in quiet respect as the area was then sanctified with incense (pine resin in a clay incense holder) and then sprinkles of Suwiki, which is their well-loved fermented corn beverage. There were invocations/prayers spoken to the four directions.  Two goats were brought down to the altar space and tied up. A few other women came out and were cleansed with smoke. We watched in awe as these goats were blessed and then killed and strung up on a tree nearby to be cut up in parts which would then be cooked into a stew for the following day.  While the goats’ souls were being liberated from their bodies  there were songs being sung by Juanito (see video below)
The following day, there was a race in the morning and right after that was a fiesta. The families of that particular area came to attend, which really weren’t all that many people. The fiesta began there in the same clearing area near the altar with song and dance. First, it was the women who danced while Juanito sang and shook the rattle. Marichu, Andi and I also got pulled in by the women to dance. And then the music shifted to violin and guitar songs and Juanito and others danced. Juanito put on special ankle rattles that had butterfly cocoons on them. The Suwiki by that time was being served to all. After a while the festivities moved closer to the house where we had watched the women days earlier grinding the corn for their Suwiki.  I also had the honor of getting to accompany the musicians with my ukulele- I think it was the first time they had seen an ukulele! See videos and photos below!
At the fire, a young woman (I think Candelaria’s grand daughter) was cooking up tortillas by the fire where there was also the big clay pot of the goat and corn stew. We all were given some to eat. During this trip I most certainly ate bean and corn every day there- the tortillas were really delicious and hearty. Honestly I could gratefully eat beans and tortillas everyday. 
And the Suwiki kept on coming around in plentitude. The musicians and dancers were definitely becoming quite inebriated. I was told by Romayne that often times it is during the fiestas that a man and woman might come together and “go disappear somewhere, maybe in a cave” and after that they would be a couple. Because of their very shy nature, Romayne shared, the Suwiki assists in openness in sharing their affection. Marriage as we know it doesn’t really exist there- people just come together there, and start having babies and just take care of one another.  
When Children get old enough to steadily walk and talk the parents leave them with the goats to begin their learning of how to be with and herd the animals. It is in the home and family unit where the real education happens. As I mentioned before, there is a schoolhouse on the mesa for the children, funded by Romayne, so they can learn to read and write learn mathematics. We visited there one day. There were only a handful of students, all quite young. These young children actually would sleep there with one of the adults, at the school in a room with provided beds for the few days of their school week, because their homes were so far away to walk. The older children had already moved on to the other school on the next mesa over. I was glad to see on the wall of the room the numbers, written in their Rarámuri language. 
As I mentioned before there is also a hospital in the mesa. About twice a month a doctor comes from the neighboring city (which takes bout 4 hours of driving on remote dirt roads) to do check-ups for people in the region. Below is a photo of the hospital.
Now I would like to express some of the more complex issues that arose in our group during this week. While we had the privilege to be out in this remote area of Mexico and connect with the Rarámuri and also learn about their ways of life, many feelings surfaced around Colonization, climate change, the impact of Western materialist/consumerist influences, and how we as privileged “white people” could be of best support to Indigenous people, such as the Rarámuri. Since we were there to connect with, learn from and to also create a documentary film about Romayne and the Rarámuri people we wanted to feel like our impact would be a positive one. 
Even while immersed in the peace and majesty of this remote mountainous region, we saw the evidence of corruption of their natural harmonious ways of living- due to the influx of commercial commodities, products wrapped in plastic, alcohol, sugar, etc.  It was a disappointment to see the garbage strewn all over the environment in these beautiful places- but the truth is- its all the garbage from modern Society that is brought in to these rural indigenous communities and there has yet to be established a common understanding of how this garbage is ultimately harmful to the earth and the beings living here. Before the arrival of modern day life (and the plastic garbage that comes long with it) all the materials were natural and biodegradable. Their  “food wrappers” were made of corn husk (and for the most part they still are!).
On our very first day when we foreigners gathered with Romayne in his “eagle’s Next,” next to his piano to discuss a “game plan” of how to proceed with the filming of this documentary and what REALLY was the intention behind it and what did we wish to accomplish with it. We included a few other respected people of the village to include their valuable input, of what they felt was important for us to try to convey through the documentary film. 
These are some insight gems from this experience and throughout our week:
1. Modern, Western materialist society has become disconnected to Nature and are suffering greatly because of it. Indigenous People, such as the Raramuri’s ways of life are of major VALUE to our modern materialist society because they can teach us the importance of staying connected to Nature and to the fundamental Values that make Life worth living (i.e. the “four directions”).
2. The responsibility that we have as “privileged white people” is to heal this disconnection through connective and restorative action and to also BE OF SERVICE to and Sacred RECIPROCITY with the indigenous people’s, whose lives and lands we have benefitted from. This “service” and “reciprocity” is not necessarily going to look how WE think it should- We need to examine our ingrained colonizing mentalities to realize that we do not always KNOW what is best for others.
3. A life of SERVICE through the ACTUALIZING of one’s natural Gifts is a source of deep fulfillment and brings inspiration for others who bear witness of it. In this case- Romayne found his deep fulfillment in Life through the giving back to the people and ways of life that so deeply touched his life- through the gifts and talents of his musical genius. Romayne’s unique story is an inspiration for people who also have the desire to “make a difference” in this world. 
4. In this ever spreading globalization and all the positive and negative impacts that come with it, there are precious living treasures of wisdom that continue to persevere-whether it be deep in the Amazon rainforest or high is the Sierra Tarahumara- and these people and ways of life have much to teach us about what it truly means to be human and how the quality of our lives depend on the quality of Life itself.  We are all truly connected.

Overview and Introduction
This beautiful mushroom has allured human beings for who knows how many millennia. Archaeological evidence shows that people carried this mushroom from the Eurasian continent over the Bering strait to North America during the last glacial era, which shows how important this mushroom must have been to them.
There are so many examples of this iconic mushroom being woven into humanity’s evolution- from ancient cave art etched in stone to carved stone statues of various indigenous cultures to frescoes painted on the walls of Christian chapels to the stained glass of Catholic church cathedrals.  This mushroom, no doubt, has played a significant role for humanity, just as many of the other powerful and healing plant and fungi allies: cannabis, psilocybin mushrooms and ayahuasca, just to name a few. Just like a lot of things, over time, knowledge can be lost- and I could also say hidden or withheld from the populace. Over time this magical and majestic mushroom became misunderstood, judged and yes, feared.    
A seeker of truth will discover how knowledge has intentionally been kept from people, in the efforts to preserve an elite group of peoples’ power, and in other words, to prevent people from empowering themselves. This is what propaganda is for, and now, arguably, even our mass media is being utilized for this. “Fake news” is a real thing. 
Many people are still emerging from the brainwashing of the “war on drugs” propaganda, that was unleashed on the American population, which unfortunately created a lot of stigma around psychotropic and entheogenic plants and fungi. It is now fairly common knowledge that the pharmaceutical industry had a major role in creating the majority of drug dependencies that led to the “opiate crisis” and now they’ve created even more drugs (such as methadone and naltrexone) to help us get off the other “bad” drugs (heroin, and other opiates). Terribly, these “drugs to help us get off the drugs” are actually even more difficult to get off from. I’d say, now there’s a full on “benzodiazepine crisis” going on.  Last year, when I finally got myself a primary care doctor, and I shared with her that I had been really struggling with anxiety, can you guess what was her response to that was? “I could prescribe you some medication to help with that.” I never returned to her. 
It’s obvious that so many people are in dire mental and emotional support but sadly the hamster wheel reality that so many people are living in makes it very difficult for people to slow down and get the support they need.  Yet, I will say that once a person makes the decision to change and take charge of their own healing- support can and will show up from all directions. The reason why I know this is true is because I have experienced it myself. I believe that we are all here for a reason and the universe wants each and every one of us to stand in our power. As the saying goes, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way….”
Now that much more traction is being gained in the tremendous value of “entheogenic/psychedelic medicines” through scientific studies as well as the recognized value of indigenous wisdom ways, it seems that the knowledge of this powerful red mushroom has found its way back to our lives. As we the people, who evolved over thousands of years in close relationship with these powerful mushrooms and plant allies of Earth, is in not exciting to think, what role could this amazing mushroom could play for us now, in a society so filled with anxiety and depression? For several generations now, so many of us “civilized folk” have been disconnected from the medicines of earth, having been misled by a societal system that would have us rather be dependent on synthetically produced pharmaceutical drugs, to treat the conditions that often stem from the sick society in which we are living. 
I feel it is crucial to emphasize here that in this “psychedelic renaissance” we must be careful with the way we approach these medicines of the earth. To approach them with the same mindset that “I want to take this thing to fix me and make me feel better” and not embrace the self-responsibility that it actually requires “to feel better” is actually disrespectful and devaluing of the self and the medicine. As a newly trained addiction recovery and integration coach, I am passionate about empowering people to be a conscious co-creator of their reality- to find ways of cultivating more connection in their life to self and nature, through ritual and embodiment practices. The precious medicines of earth can most certainly help us in our healing, but it is through our intentional efforts that we actually earn the peace and healing that we seek. We may be “creatures of habit,” but we are also courageous creatures with great potential to change!  
 Now, back to Amanita muscaria. In the last few years, it’s as if a veil has been lifted from our perceptual lens of this mushroom- more and more scientific studies are emerging about the active chemicals in this mushroom that can aid in anxiety and depression among other things. And there’s also the interesting folklore that has become more commonly known, even in our narratives around religious traditions, such as Christmas, and the relationship of the reindeer and jolly ol’ Santa Claus! There are numerous books and articles that can be found at our fingertips through the internet (which I will source at the end of this paper.) And there are online forums about it- On Telegram, YouTube, and I just discovered Reddit, and I’m sure there are many more. How far down the rabbit hole you want to go , is up to you!   Even though we have been told for generations to fear this powerful and beautiful mushroom, the time has come for the truth to be revealed. 
A more Personal Introduction….
Before I delve into my own story of how my life was so positively influenced by this mushroom, the “good biology student and teacher” in me desires to share about this mushroom’s bio-chemistry, ecology and ethno-pharmacology, so as to give a well rounded understanding to a person not knowing much about this mushroom. (Disclaimer: This is in no way a “scholarly essay” or research paper as I will not be properly using citations. I’m no longer in college after all, I am in the school of life. However, I will provide sources when I directly quote or use specific information and I will provide a list of resources at the end of this paper.)   
My educational background is in the Natural Sciences, having received a Bachelors of Arts from University of Hawaii at Hilo in Natural Science with a minor in Biology. Mycology was one of the fields of study that fascinated and inspired me in such a deep way- beyond my logical and analytical mind. There was something mystical to me about mushrooms. When I found out at age thirteen that there were mushrooms out there that could open up other dimensions of reality, I thought to myself “Where can I find them!?” (It didn’t take me long to.)  
I am an avid “mycophile” (lover of mushrooms) and I study mushrooms with a passion- I love trying to identify mushrooms and I derive great joy looking for mushrooms in the forests. I have also developed what I can only describe as a psychic connection with mushrooms, in the way that I actually have felt “guided” by them, to places where I can find them. I have woken up in the morning with the Amanita muscaria whispering into my consciousness “Come find me, I’m here….” As I will expand more upon later, the deepening of my relationship with A. muscaria began when I was really needing support and anxiety had begun to really diminish my quality of life. Thats when I went into the forest to find the mushrooms. It make me think of the quote of the Sufi poet Rumi: “What you seek is seeking you.”
About the Fungi
I remember learning in my mycology course how mushrooms are merely the “fruiting body” of a species of fungi- a body that mostly lives under the ground’s surface, as mycelium- which are a network of fungal threads called hyphae. By sensing the optimal conditions, the mycelium will then begin the formation of the mushroom, which will emerge from the ground (except truffle, which stay underground!) containing the spores, to then be dispersed into the environment. Fungi play such an important role in our ecosystems as they are “decomposers.” In the great circle of Life, we cannot leave out Death, because all that dies shall break down in composition, to become nourishment for more life! Yet, there are some fungi that have evolved away from their decomposing abilities and have come to depend on their symbiosis with trees, such as the Amanita genus.
Amanita muscaria has a symbiotic relationship with as many as 20 different tree species, including pine, oak, spruce, fir, birch, and cedar.
This means that the mycelium of this fungi grows along the roots of the tree, making mineral nutrients and water more available to the tree, while the fungi uptakes sugars from the roots of the tree. This relationship is known as a “mycorrhizal network.”  
The genus Amanita contains at least 400 species, a couple of which are the most known deadly mushrooms in the world, and some species of which are considered the most delicious to eat. A really unique signature of the Amanita’s morphology is the way it grows and emerges- from an egg-like sac called a “volva.” As the mushroom emerges, pieces of the volva can stick to the cap of the mushroom, like warts, as seen so clearly in the cap A.muscaria.
The Misunderstanding of this Mushroom
Amanita muscaria has been deemed “toxic” and “poisonous” and even “deadly” - all titles which are misleading and also simply not true. There are various reasons for the spread of this misinformation. Here, I will highlight on some scientific facts:
Because the Amanita genus contains some of the most poisonous mushrooms in the world, and people are afraid of being poisoned, this mushroom got lumped in with the “deadly’s.” What makes the deadly amanitas deadly is that they contain “amatoxins” and “phallotoxins.” Amatoxins are also found in two other genera of mushroom (Galerina and Lepidiota). To clarify here, Amanita muscaria does NOTcontain either of these chemicals. 
Because this is a powerful mushroom with potentially psychoactive effects, fear and curiosity can arise in many people. The fearful will likely stay away from it, and even stomp on the mushrooms when they see them (and that just hurts my heart!).  And even for the curious who venture to ingest this mushroom just for the sake of wanting to know what it will do to them, may end up having a very unpleasant experience, or they may have a profoundly enjoyable experience, OR they may have no experience at all! As I will discuss later on, relationship and intention are important when deciding to ingest psychoactive mushrooms and/or plants. 
Because people have reported feeling sick and vomiting from ingesting this mushroom, it has been deemed “toxic.” There may have even been a death from a person who choked on their own vomit from having ingested this mushroom - but even in that case,  the mushroom itself was not the real culprit. Now, let’s get deeper into the chemistry….
ACTIVE INGREDIENTS & BIOCHEMISTRY
The active ingredients of Amanita muscaria, are Ibotenic Acid and Muscimol. Muscimol is derived from ibotenic acid by decarboxylation. Ibotenic acid is an analogue of the neurotransmitter glutamate. Glutamate is one of the most abundant amino acids in the body. It  also serves as a metabolic precursor to the neurotransmitter GABA (gamma-Aminobutyric acid) According to one scientific study, people who suffer from depression may have had lower levels of GABA present in the brain. According to another 2019 study, GABA has anti-microbial, anti-seizure, and antioxidant properties and may help treat and prevent conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure and insomnia. (source:https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326847#medical-benefits) I mention this because, muscimol binds to the same site on the GABAA receptor complex as GABA itself, as opposed to other GABAergic drugs such as barbiturates and benzodiazepines which bind to separate regulatory sites. (source:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscimol). 
Re-stated: Muscimol mimics the chemical GABA, which is a neurotransmitter responsible for calming the mind and easing anxiety, among other benefits. 
So, could this mushroom be like “nature’s benzodiazepine,” yet safer because our bodies will not become chemically dependent? I feel it is not as straight forward as this and I would never want to diminish this mushroom by comparing it with a pharmeceutical. Also I feel it is more mysterious, requiring respect and even reverence, to the approach of “using”- or how I would rather refer to it as “working with” - this powerful and potentially healing mushroom. (more on that topic in the later section on “Cultivating Relationship”) There are other species of Amanita that contain these chemicals of importance (and in higher amounts) as well, which look similar to A. muscaria and those species are: A. pantherina (known as the “panther cap” or “false blusher”) and A. regalis (known as the “Royal Fly Agaric”)  
IBOTENIC ACID
“Ibotenic acid is an unstable compound; consequently, during extraction and subsequent processing large losses can occur. Also, in dried mushrooms the ibotenic acid content decreases gradually.” (https://www.unodc.org/unodc/en/data-and-analysis/bulletin/bulletin_1970-01-01_4_page005.html). This compound, when “decarboxylated” (heated to a specific temperature) becomes muscimol. According to studies, it has been shown that the highest percentage of this compound is found in the top yellow layer of the mushroom cap, just below the thin top colored skin. The concentrations of ibotenic acid are higher in the fresh mushroom, and when consumed (in the mushroom’s more raw state) can have potent effects that are responsible for the more “unpleasant” effects : nausea, vomiting and/or gastro-intestinal upset. And yet, it should be noted that there can also be very pleasant psychoactive effects as well- euphoria, and various other sensory altering effects. 
MUSCIMOL
“Muscimol can be found in all Amanita species in which ibotenic acid occurs. However, since it is easily derived from ibotenic acid through the loss of water and CO2, which can occur during extraction or on paper chromatograms, one cannot say positively that it is a genuine compound in the mushroom.”(https://www.unodc.org/unodc/en/data-and-analysis/bulletin/bulletin_1970-01-01_4_page005.html). And so, interestingly, it may be that this compound is only found in the mushroom because it was created/converted from the ibotenic acid. 
I have witnessed a certain level of “judgement” of ibotenic acid,  being unfavorable to ingest and that the goal before ingesting is to convert as much of it as possible to muscimol, however, it has been argued that ibotenic acid plays an important role in the benefits of ingesting this mushroom- and that you can never really convert ALL the ibotenic acid anyways.
From what information I have gathered is that “ibotenic acid” has gotten a bad reputation and is considered by many to be unfavorable- which is why people take extra steps to decarboxylate the mushrooms so as to convert the ibotenic acid to muscimol.  One of the possible reasons for the “bad rap” is that it has actually been referred to scientifically as a “neurotoxin” but this was  because of a particular study’s outcome: it was found to cause brain legions when injected directly into the heads of rats.  When we ingest this mushroom, it obviously would not have the same effect as being injected into our brains, and so therefore, the title of “neurotoxin” is not accurate and is misleading.
Cultivating Right Relationship
As I shared a little bit earlier, prior to cultivating my deep relationship with A. muscaria I been struggling with anxiety, an over active mind and very debilitating control patterns that developed over the past couple years (due to personal and relational circumstances). I believe in the healing power of plant medicines and that they are amazing tools that can help us in our healing, and to interrupt addictions and our “normal” patterning (which is often times dis-functional!). However, we as individuals play the most important role in our healing- I truly believe the power is in our hands to become the “CEO’s of our own Health and Wellbeing,” as a nutrition coach mentor of mine says. It is our responsibility to put in our efforts to INTEGRATE the insights and new mind states we gain from plant medicines into our lives- so that we don’t just become dependent upon another “substance” to shift our undesirable feeling state. We do this with courageous acts, by making the needed life changes to decrease stress and to nourish the conditions for our wellness and by cultivating nervous system regulating practices such as EFT/tapping, breath work, and so many others.   
I do not believe that any medicine or substance outside of ourselves can be a  "magic bullet" or “cure- all.” I believe it is crucial to be in "right relationship” with all medicines. That all being said- I greatly appreciate and value the plant medicine world and am vary cautious of the pharmaceuticals prescribed by doctors which do NOT heal, but only treat the symptoms, and often cause more ill side effects and dangerous chemical dependencies. It is important to remember, “Big Pharma” profits from our un-wellness. 
Working with A. muscaria
There are many ways one can work with A. muscaria. I will describe a way that I feel cultivates a relationship with this mushroom that is respectful and reverent of the mushroom, which may potentiate its healing benefits.
One can begin by working with it on the energetic and psychic level. I was guided by my curiosity and intuition to work with this mushroom, and have felt a joyous connection with this mushroom since I first saw it out in the forest. The elated feeling I would get from the mushroom actually was the indicator to me that I needed to learn more about it and so, my studies began.
It is important to do your own research- don’t just take my word for granted. I started finding and reading lots of articles, watching videos and I took a workshop from the Fungi Academy, featuring a woman who goes by the name “Amanita Dreamer.” I started to feel more and more confident that ingesting A. muscariawas not dangerous but could actually be in divine alignment for me. I started to align with certain people out there who’s perspective and knowledge of A.muscaria I found very helpful. (See resources at end.)
After the first big Autumn seasonal rains soaked the earth up where I live in northern California, I remember the day that I woke up and I just knew they were out there in the forest. I actually felt their presence in my psychic field. It had happened the season prior also, and so, my energetic connection had been developing for at least a couple of years before I felt it was time to actually harvest them. 
Before harvesting I had already learned that the active ingredients are in the caps and the potency is most prime when the mushroom is relatively “young,” before the cap has fully flattened out.  I would always leave the older mushrooms so that their spores could be released into the environment. When harvesting, I did so with reverence and gratitude.
When I brought the mushroom caps home, I dehydrated them at about 130 degrees until “cracker dry” as Amanita Dreamer refers to it. I then scraped the gills out from the cap, since the gills don’t contain the desired active ingredients. Note: Its easier and less of a mess to scrape them out once dried. I saved this scraped out contents into a jar to then release back to re-spore the forest.  The scraped out caps went into another jar. I kept these dried caps in jars on my altar and connected with them energetically until the day came when I knew it was time.
Potency varies from mushroom to mushroom and so when it comes to ingesting them, the most reliable way to get a consistent dosage is to ingest either the powder of the ground up mushroom caps (via tea or capsule) or from a tincture. I personally wanted to work with the caps whole so that I could see them with their beautiful color and not grind them up. I did indeed notice how one gram of dried mushroom caps varied from day to day, while micro-dosing. I actually enjoyed that mysterious aspect. For example, one morning a noticed much more of an effect, to where I actually needed to lay down- and it was a very healing and learning experience for me in slowing down and receiving.  I also have tried breaking off pieces from multiple different caps to get a more average range of potency and weighing out my desired dosage that way.
Because I resonated with it, I decided to follow the guidance of Adam, a fellow A. muscaria advocate and magical herbal alchemist who runs balticalchemy.com. I started with 1gram in the morning and 1g at night, making a tea. I break apart caps onto a small scale to weigh out and then steep the mushroom pieces in my tea for up to 10 minutes. I then have a ritual of sitting down at my altar and speaking my words of gratitude to the mushroom tea and my intentions while they steep.
Making a respectful and reverent “daily practice” or ritual with this mushroom, and any plant or mushroom medicine, is very important to me and is an important, integrative part of any "microdosing protocol.” This is where and how we RE-PATTERN and RE-PROGRAM ourselves. And this is how we also cultivate right relationship with our medicine.
I drink down the tea, with heart open in gratitude for the opportunity to commune with this mushroom. I also eat the mushroom pieces within it the tea.  I actually like to speak directly to the spirit of the mushroom, my gratitude and my prayers. I like to also do some EFT(Emotional Freedom Technique)/“tapping” and bodily stretching/movement and then I go about my day.
I usually feel the effects within the hour. Sometimes I feel a warmth in my heart space, or a warmth of peace and/or bliss sweeping through my body. There are many other subtle effects I have noticed and I feel it is important to keep certain things sacred and inside as it is my own mysterious journry I am on, which will be unlike any one else’s.
So far, My only experience in consuming a larger amount was in an Amanita muscaria ceremony which I attended and my experience was pleasant. Not only did we consume a strong tea of it but we also smoked it! That was rather harsh and I did not particularly like that but smoking of the top layer of the mushroom cap definitely does have an affect which can be described as childlike elation. I did notice my sense of taste become much more vivid and my perception became slightly warped. I definitely had a lot of energy which continued into the next day where I noticed how I was “talking a mile a minute” 😆
 Read more below about my own experience with micro-dosing ….
My Micro-dosing Testimonial
I noticed the positive benefits in only a few days- My anxiety, fight/flight sensations, worrying mind/thoughts- were simply GONE. My whole reality shifted just from being able to feel CALM again in mind and body. I realized how much a dis-regulated nervous system (“anxiety”) was negatively impacting my perception of reality. A.muscaria also helped me to re-configure my long time habitual relationship with cannabis. I made the decision to completely stop smoking cannabis the day I began working with A.muscaria, which has also contributed greatly to my increased energy and clarity of mind. 
Before this tremendous positive shift from A.muscaria, I could barely sit still. My outlook on life was very despairing and filled with self-doubt.   I have rapidly regained a positive outlook, more motivation and self-confidence and more focus. I have also been getting more sustained sleep through the night. I have felt more light hearted elation, and peace than I have experienced in the past couple of years.  
In summary, this beautiful mushroom has played a pivotal role in assisting me to get my nervous system back into a regulated place, after suffering the repercussions of being in “fight or flight” mode for an extended amount of time.don’t necessarily and I consider it to be such a powerful catalyst for me in my healing and coming into clarity and alignment with my truth. 
Amanita muscaria has become my most beloved ally from the forest, showing me that I too have so much to offer to this world once I stand in my power, with my innate wisdom, mystery, beauty, truth and love.
Resources- (I encourage you to do your own research!)
Websites:
1. www.amanitadreamer.net
2. www.reindeeramanita.com
3.  https://fungiacademy.com/
4. http://www.amanitaceae.org/
5. https://jgi.doe.gov/retracing-roots-fungal-symbioses/
6. https://www.technologynetworks.com/neuroscience/blog/harnessing-the-therapeutic-potential-of-muscimol-349541
7. https://www.mushroomstone.com/
8. https://themushroomcap.com/product/the-fungal-pharmacy/
9. https://www.ancientpages.com/2016/09/14/mysterious-ancient-mushrooms-in-myths-and-legends-sacred-feared-and-worshiped-among-ancient-civilizations-2/
10. https://www.balticalchemy.com/
11. https://harmonyacresfarms.org/
Books:
Fly Agaric: A Compendium of History, Pharmacology, Mythology, & Exploration, 
by Kevin M. Feeney
The Fungal Pharmacy by Robert Rogers
Mushrooms of the Redwood Coast- a comprehensive guide to the Fungi of Coastal Northern California. Noah Siegel and Christian Schwarz