Humans have had a special relationship with honeybees for likely over 10,000 years, as seen from ancient cave art in areas of Algeria and Spain. Yes, of course,  the honey that bees produce is filled with healing nutrients, and the beeswax has a multitude of uses, but there is something far more mystical and powerful about honeybees, which is why they have been regarded as sacred and associated with divinity since ancient times.

After thousands of years of male dominated patriarchal society, the divine feminine again is rising on the planet and this is apparent in many aspects. We are also in rapidly changing times on the planet, technologically; which on one hand is driving humans into further disconnection from nature but on the other hand is allowing humans access to all knowledge at our fingertips.  Yet, all the knowledge in the world won't necessarily give the answers that one seeks. I know for myself,  the most important insights have come to me when I have humbled myself and engaged in deep LISTENING.  Some call this "intuition" or "inner guidance." I also call it magic. Life is magical and therefore, so are we. So what happens when we listen to the bees?

For the past couple years I have been taking part in co-facilitating a women's Intuitive Beekeeping Retreat on the Big Island of Hawaii along with three other bee keepers that live on the island. My friend Jennifer Bach received the message from the bees to create this retreat so that women could have the unique opportunity to connect more deeply with the bees, learn about them and also open the intuitive faculties to receive the teachings that the bees have for us. The clear message she received was that creating these retreats would be helping the divine feminine to come back into balance on the planet. I was ecstatic when she asked if I would contribute my music and vocal opening practices to the retreat, a big piece for women in reclaiming their power is in opening their voices, due to many lifetimes of silencing and oppression. It was obviously a clear YES for me.
Our first retreat was January 2023,  along with two other amazing bee keepers that live on the island- Jen Rasmussen and Alison Yahna.  During this retreat we connect deeply with the sacred land, listen to and work with the bees, connect with the river and waterfalls, eat healthy local organic meals, engage in rituals, do dreamwork, and of course tone and sing and open the voice!

Honeybees teach us of Unity- of working together in harmony, for the good of the whole, in service to LIFE. Perhaps this is why I have felt a connection with honeybees for a very long time in my life, and always enjoyed watching them buzz from flower to flower.
Honeybees are one of the few organisms on the planet that exist as a COLONY. They live together in a hive that they magically build themselves, from the glands on their abdomens that secrete the wax.  
 
The way the colony operates is absolutely magical. In the wild, honeybees would build their hives in hollows or crevices such as in a tree or cave, with the comb having more rounder formations.  The Queen is the central figure of the hive and lays all the eggs of a hive. There are worker bees (all female) that do all of the work building a hive, feeding the larva, guarding the hive and gathering nectar and pollen for food for themselves and the rest of the hive. The honey they produce through the digestion of what they gather is also used as storage for food through the winter. The drones are the male bees whose sole role is to mate with the queen. For every drone there are 10 female worker bees.

With the rise of agriculture, also came the rise of Patriarchy- male dominated society- and this has had a severe impact on the wild colonies of bees, which are greatly diminished. Humans moved bees into confined boxes- a very unnatural shape for bees to exist. This imbalance, goes hand in hand with the adoption of religious and other belief structures that would abandon earth based animist ways of living and justify the desecration of the earth and ecological systems. There is a direct relationship with the rise of patriarchy and the degradation of the earth's ecosystems: When women, who are the life givers are not honored, respected and protected-neither is the earth.  No matter how dominant and "developed" we humans think we are on this planet, our disconnection from nature is causing our existence to be quite fragile. The unsustainable level that humans have gotten to with monoculture, and essentially enslaving honeybees to pollinate crops, such as almonds, only perpetuates this sickness. Queen bees are being farmed and artificially inseminated to lay eggs for hives, whose sole purpose is to pollinate crops. And as a side boon for the humans, they take the honey and sell it. One of the teachers in our retreat shared with us her sorrow and horror in witnessing the state of hives in these farm situations, often heavily infested with beetles and other issues and also heavily treated with chemicals. Our mass commercial agricultural system is now dependent on chemical fertilizers and pesticides which only wreak more havoc on life and degrade the soils. The mass die offs of bees is a wake-up call for humanity.

Humans are dependent on the pollination of honeybees for one third of our diet. The mass colony collapse of the honeybees indicates a deep sickness/imbalance upon this planet- and I will suggest that the sickness/imbalance originates in the human mind. Through shamanic journeying, one of our retreat teachers, Alison, (also know as the Bee Oracle) informed us that the Bees shared with her that one of the most harmful threats to this planet and life on earth is the dark, collective "thought cloud" around the earth, which is obscuring and obstructing our connection to the Divine Light and connecting with higher consciousness.

When we lovingly tend the bees, it calls us to presence- to be totally present and observe and listen- and that in itself is a gift for us, in such a fast paced and chaotic world. Intuitive Beekeeping, as taught in this retreat, is about tending to the bees in ways that are beneficial for the hive, free from use of harmful chemicals and NOT for human profit. The way that we can care for the bees best is by asking and LISTENING to what they want and by not intruding into their inner sanctum as much as possible, unless it is for the greater good of the hive. We also can help the bees by planting more flowers, and living our life in a way that honors and respects life.  From my beekeeping friends, I have heard many wondrous stories of what the bees have told them to do, and certain ideas they feel they received from the bees. Also, bees emit healing frequencies through their humming that promote tissue and cell repair, so being close to and listening to the bees literally is beneficial for one's health!

I invite you to contemplate the "magical."  There are occurrences that happen in life that cannot be explained by the logical or scientific observational ways. How do we explain how brilliant life changing ideas come to us? How do we explain the cause of Inspiration? How do we explain telepathy and the intuitive guidance we receive from the "otherworld" or other beings. How do we explain the purpose of consciousness? These are the kind of questions that light me up inside because they bring about a feeling of wonder and revelry as to what it means to be human- and also a sense of deep humility. And let's face it- It's time for humans to be more humble.

I believe that humanity is on the verge of  a great leap in our consciousness. The more we tap into our consciousness, developing in our intuitive and creative faculties, the more we can open up to the great intelligence of LIFE that is ready and here to work through us. It is working through all of nature. It's just that we humans have forgotten so long, due to our disconnection from nature. We have forgotten  that we are magical bee-ings holding the power to CREATE and serve LIFE and the healing that is so needed in these times. This is what the awakening and rising of the sacred divine feminine is all about.  

The honeybees teach us about selfless service. They teach us about the relationship between healing and frequency. They teach us about boundaries and the need to protect in order to maintain balance. So let us now ponder these questions:
"What would this life look and feel like if we listened more to our bodies, each other and to life?"  "What in life is worth protecting?" "What if I am just a part of a living, dynamic organism (that we call Earth)?" "What Magic does Life want to express through me?"
​Blessed Be~
Our next retreat is in early July 2025! ​https://www.wisewomenbeekeepers.com/

There comes a time when a person knows that their using of substances is beyond their control and is negatively impacting their life and those that they care about. Each individual’s transformational recovery process will be unique, and yet there are certain factors that lead to the successful liberation of one’s self from the grip of addiction. A couple of these factors are 1.) Training and Preparing for the abstinence and 2.) Nourishing the conditions for staying clean. 
Examples of pre-abstinence preparation: Getting educated on the detox/withdrawal process (very important!), identifying one’s related triggers, reasons or any other associations that keeps the person using/abusing substances. Another example is practicing sobriety in segments- challenging one’s self to go for as many minutes or hours without engaging in the addictive behavior and acknowledging all the thoughts/feelings that arise. How to “nourish the conditions” to stay clean? Firstly, identify the changes that need to happen, such as: detoxing and/or reducing exposure to toxicity, getting proper rest, nutrition and correct supplementation to support brain chemistry, prioritizing healthy connection and relationships, reconfiguring your life/relationships/schedules as necessary. It’s also crucial to get really clear in identifying one’s personal values, standards and non-negotiable boundaries- go ahead and write these things out! 
Admitting and confronting one’s own problems and patterns is so courageous and requires so much radical honesty, vulnerability, and the willingness to feel, and this is where true healing and change can take root. Change is not an easy process and it requires our physical and mental effort/practice to create new and healthier patterns in our lives, so having a coach and/or “accountability buddies” in this process can be of great genefit. Ultimately, you are the artist of your life and you get to choose what is true for your path forward.
Warmly, your transformational ally, 
                                                  Mary Isis

You might be wondering, why would anyone at the end of their life want to do psychedelic medicines? There are various reasons why this option can be so valuable for people who are facing one of the most important moments of their lives. 
For many people facing a terminal illness there can be a lot of fear/distress around the death and the dying process. In addition to physical pain, anxiety and depression are common for terminally diagnosed people and the treatment usually administered for these mental health conditions often involve more long term therapies and treatments. Psychedelic can offer more time-efficient results for improving the moods and attitudes of people facing their end of life. They may also provide patients profoundly meaningful and transforming spiritual experiences. Something I want to clarify here: These kinds of treatments are never done when a person is actually in the active phase of dying! 

There are three categories of psychedelic medicines that are most often used in end of life/palliative care:
“Empathogens” (which include MDMA), “entheogens” (LSD, psilocybin) and “dissociatives” (Ketamine).
MDMA produces an increase in the “feel good” neurotransmitters serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine, which can bring a sense of empathy, openess, connectedness and acceptance.
Psilocybin and LSD bind to serotonin receptors in the brain (just as certain anti-depressant drugs do), which can provide new and valuable psychological insights as well improve cognitive function.
Ketamine is an NMDA receptor antagonist, as well as an anesthetic. It blocks certain neurotransmitters from unlocking the receptor site, which can prevent the over stimulation of neurons, which over time can cause damage to brain cells. Ketamine can provide immediate relief for physical pain as well as relief from mental and emotional turmoil, by helping the patient separate from themselves. Side note: Many neurodegenerative diseases, including Alzheimers and Parkinsons and other central nervous system disorders are sometimes treated with medications that are NMDA receptor antagonists.

Just one psychedelic medicine treatment can bring significant and lasting positive results. This is potentiated when coupled with some form of therapy/counseling. Screening the individual for any contra-indications before-hand is a must! Legalities are another issue. Oregon and Colorado have legalized certain psychedelic medicines and other states are on their way too.

Enacting a RITUAL is a way to create a sense of CONNECTION to the intention and/or prayer and to really anchor it in a symbolic and meaningful way. And the beautiful thing about RITUAL is that YOU get to create it, so that it feels powerful and meaningful to YOU!Having a regular ritual practice can assist one in maintaining a sense of connectedness with life and the power of their energy and attention. You can have a regular space in your home where you enact your rituals, such as your altar space. And you can also enact rituals out in nature. 
Here is an example of how I create and engage in ritual:
I first create a sacred space through shifting my energy and attention. I take some deep slow breaths and ground myself into a calm and centered awareness, letting go of any other concerns and activity. 
If possible I like to light a candle. I then speak out loud an invocation to bring myself to a state of presence and humility.
 In Ritual, I personally choose to speak my invocational and intentional words out loud because I feel the power in it. SOUND has the power to transform- it literally vibrates the cells of our body. However there are times when I enact ritual in silence- basically I do what feels true and right in my being. 
I express words/feelings of gratitude to bring my being to an elevated emotional state (Feeling gratitude raises your frequency and brings more coherence to the being). 
Once I feel like I am in a clear, positive vibration I state my intentions whole heartedly.
I then like to make an offering of some sort- usually I like to offer some herbs/plant medicines to the earth and perhaps burn some incense to symbolically carry the prayer/intentions up in the smoke. Making offerings is an act of reciprocity- giving back for all of the ways that we are given to and supported by the forces in life. Reciprocity is foundational to harmony and balance in our world.  
When it feels complete, I close the Ritual with the simple words “Thank you! And so it is!” And I make some sort of sound, such as the shaking of my rattle.  
And the ritual is then complete. 

Beware of the “blah”, 
​the “meh”, 
The comfortable complacency that will slowly and slyly rob your magic…this precious gift of life you’ve been given- all its wondrous beauty, color, and sensation. 
Precious being-  If, for various reasons you have fallen into a trance of disenchantment, come home to the present moment. 
Come in to Presence with the miracle of the Spirit breathing you. 
Drink in the medicine of your lucid living and allow the knowing of beauty to wash through you- Revitalizing all those places of stagnation… clearing through the obstacles of disconnection…
Stand with bare feet and feel your roots tap in deeply to this existence on the Earth. It’s all so fleeting. Life is for living. Do what it takes to feel that connection to the Magical portal that is You.

I had the delight and blessing to be able to venture out with a small group of people to the mountains on Chihuahua Mexico with the intentions of meeting and connecting with the esteemed pianist and composer Romayne Wheeler and the indigenous people (Rarámuri) that live in that region. Additionally, in the week of our time there, we were wanting to gather footage to create an inspirational documentary film about Romayne Wheeler’s life, how he came to live with the Rarámuri people, which led to his actualization of his life’s higher purpose- being of service and making a positive difference through the creation and sharing of his music. 
In this blog I would like to share with you a little about this beautiful and amazing story, the interesting history and culture of the Rarámuri people and what we hope this documentary film will inspire in those that watch it.
To start, my dear friend, Curt Cetraro, invited me on this trip because Romayne has deeply touched and inspired him and he wished to share the experience of this simple, yet majestic way of life out in this mountainous region with others. Because of my own musical background, he also felt that I would find inspiration and have my own creative ideas to contribute to this filming project and also the non-profit organization “Music Making a Difference,” which Curt created in order to carry on Romayne’s legacy. Below is a photo of Curt and I, in front of the cathedral in Chihuahua, the day before we headed out on a small 6 seater Cessna plane out to the mountainous region of Retosachi.
Curt has been a very supportive ally in my musical journey. I originally met him in a yoga studio at a musical sharing of my own in Sacramento, through mutual friends. On that first meeting he told me he would like to see me perform in a bigger venue and that he’d be happy to help make happen. Curt is the kind of person that follows through with his word. A year or so later, he organized a wonderful concert at the beautiful Harris Center performing arts venue in Folsom, on the Winter Solstice where myself and other visionary musicians Shim Shai and Chad Wilkins got to share our music! He also funded the creation of my gorgeous, custom made ukulele from TYDE Music- that is literally the most beautiful work of art for an Ukulele that I have ever seen! That all being said, I just wanted to make the point that Curt is the kind of person that us independent artist/musicians NEED and Appreciate SO MUCH! He KNOWS in his heart the power that Music has to truly MAKE A DIFFERENCE in the world and in the hearts of Humanity. 
Curt, as well as two others in our group Andi and David, had already been out to this place the year prior. For myself and the two film maker friends from Costa Rica, Juancho and Paula, it was our first experience out there. After our first night of getting to meet and know each other at the hotel in the city of Chihuahua, we flew out bright and early the following morning over the stunning mountains and valleys, about a 40 minute flight, to our destination- a dirt air strip atop a mesa in a region called Retosáchi. (Retosáchi in the municipality of Guachochi, Chihuahua, which is in the Sierra Madre Occidental range — also known as the Sierra Tarahumara.) About 450 families are scattered throughout the area. On this particular mesa lives Romayne and a number of other families. There is also a small hospital and school, both created and sustained through the funding of Romayne’s support. 
It was so breathtaking, approaching the mesa and seeing Romayne’s house (affectionally called “The Eagle’s Nest”) sitting on the edge of tall, sheer cliff- knowing I would be staying in that house for the next week. Upon landing we were greeted by Romayne, his helpful female companion Marichu and a pack of dogs (which he kept off the runway with the dog food “croquettes.”)
In addition to being pianist and composer, Romayne is also a painter, poet and philosopher- and he has the profound gift of utilizing whatever surrounds him for inspiration for his creations. 
A little background story about this remarkable human-  “He was born to Born in 1942, he grew up in California, graduating from high school in 1960. Already writing music at age 7, in 1952 he heard Segovia give a concert in San Juan, PR and on the spot determined to become a musician. He went to Austria in 1961, spent a year in Salzburg then studied in Vienna for a total of 12 years, earning degrees in composition and as a concert pianist. Returning to the USA, he started touring and playing, nationally and internationally, which continues today. During a weather-delayed trip in New Mexico in 1980, he came across a copy of National Geographic magazine in an Albuquerque café which featured a story on the Rarámuri. He spent 1980-1981 hiking the area and sleeping in a tent. He teemed up with a young Japanese tourist who knew no Spanish, but was an expert in origami (making designs out of paper) which endeared them to the Raramuri. Having spent time earlier with the Hopi, he describes meeting the Rarámuri as “coming home”. In Creel he met Father Verplanken SJ who painted a stark picture of the Rarámuri needs. Wheeler contributed three quarters of his earnings to the St Teresita hospital in Creel from 1985-2000.The connection between the world of nature and the world of the soul is what Romayne Wheeler finds in the life of the Rarámuri. As a composer he creates music which is in tune with the nature which is all around him in the sierras. “I have finally arrived where I yearned to be” he says. But he needs to go back regularly to the modern world to perform concert tours for income to support his local projects.” - https://www.amigos3.com/romayne-wheeler-in-the-copper-canyon/
My friend Curt learned of Romayne a handful of years ago, through a mutual friend who would often speak about him with much admiration. Curt finally was determined to meet this man and so he began corresponding with him by email and finally found a way to go out there, which then beautifully altered the course of his own life. Curt found great inspiration from Romayne’s wisdom, genius and selfless service and also was deeply moved by the Raramuri’s values and humble ways of life.  Romayne and Curt developed a special friendship and trust and he soon felt a desire to also be of service. Curt began organizing piano concerts for Romayne and sharing his music with friends. Romayne, now 80 years old, is feeling like he doesn’t have the energy to continue his usual world touring which then created the predicament: “How will I continue to support all these families’ ways of life?”  And so, Curt has created a new nonprofit organization for this purpose: “Music Making a Difference.” 
Below is a candid photo I took of Curt and Romayne from the loft where I slept in the “Eagle’s Nest.”
You see this giant Steinway Grand piano? Can you imagine how a piano like this got out to this remote area and placed in this dwelling on a cliff overlooking the canyons? I will tell you- (one of the many wonderful stories we heard from Romayne). The piano was driven into the area in the back of a large truck which was filled with potatoes. The potatoes kept the piano from moving around in the truck. When it finally arrived to this mesa, after hours and hours on long dirt roads, a bunch of the local people helped to lift this piano out and place it here, with the potatoes being divided up amongst them as payment for their efforts. After being in this house I still can’t fathom how they got this piano in there- Its almost as if this house was built around it. This house is literally built into the side of cliff. the upper loft where I slept and lower level where Romayne sleeps (next to his piano) are connected by a narrow metal staircase. The wall connecting the lower to upper part of the house is the natural rock (as you can see in the photo below) But let me back up a little….to before this house was ever built….
Also, in case anyone is interested, Romayne has written some really beautiful books about his life with the Raramuri, including many wonderful, heart touching stories- I enjoyed reading from these books while I was staying there in his house. It was really special even getting to meet many of the people he spoke about in these stories.
Romayne spends an average of six hours a day at his piano, playing, practicing and composing. On a table near his piano are stacks of compositions he has written, all organized in their folders according to Opus number. On another table are more stacks, some works in progress, with calligraphy pens nearby which he uses to create his compositions. In his little office area are many books and music compositions by other composers like Chopin, Gershwin, Schubert, Liszt and Bach. In a large treasure chest type of container were stacks and stacks of more of his original handwritten compositions! I didn’t mind at all listening to him “practice.” Sometimes he would play certain “phrases” of a song over and over as exercises. For his concerts he often plays a mixture of his own original compositions, as well as favorite classics that people love hearing, such as Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue” and Schubert’s  “Ave Maria.” One evening I requested he play Ave Maria and I accompanied him with singing. 
When Romayne first came to this area 40 years ago, he knew he found his home. Beginning in 1991, he lived his first few years there in a cave below and not far from where his house is currently. He would tour for a couple of months out of the year in many countries, doing concerts, and then he would return to his cave abode where he slept on the ground on woven mats. He and his friend Juanito would cook basic food in that cave with a fire and he would play piano and compose music with his solar powered keyboard. Before Romayne’s arrival, the indigenous people out there had never heard the sound of a piano. The way they described is was “the sound of the rain.” Below is a photo of Juanito, showing us the cave where he stayed with Romayne. After a few years of this Juanito suggested building a house up above, on top of the mesa. Thus, the “stone house” was built, which took more than a month to build. 

Also, nearby the cave that Romayne lived in there are some other caves that have very old drawings in a red pigment that even the Rarámuri do not know who made them. What we were told is that they come from “a time when there was giants.” (see photos above)
I’d like to share more about what I learned about the Rarámuri ways of life. I would like to make the distintion: “Tarahumara” is the name given to these people by the Spanish, and is still commonly used when referring to these people, however I am intentionally using the name by which they refer to themselves: Rarámuri- which can be translated to mean “runners on foot.” Indeed these people are known widely for their amazing ability and endurance in long distance running- as it is part of their life! Villages can sometimes be many miles apart from each other. They have adapted to walking and running long distances in their traditional sandals (huaraches). In fact racing is a part of their traditional custom that has competitive and ceremonial aspects that serve the community. We got to witness one of these races on the day that there was a fiesta. Six men participated in the race. We watched in amazement as they ran back and forth along the mesa, kicking their carved wooden balls along with them. (see below)
Above is Juanito showing us some of the balls that he carved for us in a beautiful woven basket made by his partner. Juanito, like quite a few other Rarámuri people, has travelled to other countries to run in races. Its kind of funny to see many of the men wearing various racing shirts. We actually met a rather famous Rarámuri marathon runner who came for the fiesta, named Arnulfo Quimare. He was featured in the well known book “Born to Run.” (photo below)
The Rarámuri are a fiercely resilient people. Originally they lived throughout the state of Chihuahua, however in the 16th century, they retreated into the mountains to resist Spanish conquest and Christian conversion.  Through all the struggles and resistance they still maintain their language, which belongs to the Uto-Aztecan family. They grow their crops of maize (corn), beans, squash, greens and tobacco. They also raise cattle, goats and sheep. Where we were we most commonly saw goats. They do not consume too much meat, only for special ceremonial occasions. From Spanish influence many other fruit bearing trees have been introduced into the area for food, such as apples, peaches, apricots, figs and oranges. They weave beautiful baskets from a leaf from a plant that grows plentifully in the area and they use these baskets for gathering and for keeping their corn and tortillas in. While we were there, many women were busy weaving baskets to sell to us. One basket took them a day to make. I definitely brought quite a few baskets back with me! Below is Juanito’s partner, Raijina.
​

For the Rarámuri, their survival is their first and foremost concern- and that is dependent on food and water. Their success of their crops is of utmost importance and the Rarámuri. On our walk with Porfirio, we walked through many beautiful corn fields, plentiful with other blooming flowers, and lots of bees buzzing.  For a long time these people did not have easy access to water. Although there are streams that run in various places, they are not easily accessible by many. Water tanks have been constructed in various locations with solar water pumps which work to pump water to houses. They also gather rain water from the roofs (now that the roofs are made out of corrugated metal). Electricity is also not commonly accessed out in this region. In the winter it gets freezing out there, snow and all! Porfirio expressed that more warm clothing is definitely needed. Below are some photos of some of the basic living situations. The homes are typically made out of mud brick. Food is cooked in pots over a fire either inside or outside the home. Each home usually has a garden containing some supplemental vegetables such as peppers, squash or other greens/herbs. I also saw quite a few fruit trees planted around the houses. Porfirio expressed the importance of attaining seeds for growing plants. When I shared with him some golden berries on a hike he wondered if he could try to grow them from the seeds inside.
Their cultural values are based on the “four directions,” which is symbolized as a cross. This can often times be misinterpreted as a Christian cross, in fact during their ceremonies they utilize wooden crosses which look very much like the Christian crosses but they are not. The Four directions is also akin to the Tree of Life. The South (the Roots) is the value “Korima” - sharing and reciprocity. This value is foundational to the resilience of the community- food and resources are always shared. Hoarding is very frowned upon, and stealing even worse- and this is rare amongst the Rarámuri. Although things are shifting due to outside influences, generally the Rarámuri do not attribute value to “things”- value is based on what is useful to their actual survival. The West is Humility. The Rarámuri are very humble and very soft spoken and quiet people, and can be perceived as shy- there is no boasting or gossiping. The incessant chatter of Westerners can often be overwhelming to them. An example of their gentle nature is the way the greet each other: by touching the tops of the fingers lightly. To grab their hands and shake them would be aggressive for them. The North is maintaining Connection to Creator (through the fontanel on the head)- this is where we receive guidance and inspiration. And finally the East is the value of creating Happiness through Music. For the Rarámuri, music is regarded as a bridge to eternity.
 Now I’d like to share more about the role music plays in their life. The two most commonly played instruments are the violin and the guitar. Obviously these instruments were adopted from other cultures however they have integrated them into their ceremonies and fiestas. The songs that are played have a revolving melodic theme, that almost sound like Irish jigs- so interesting! And their dance, known as the matachin may also have origins with the Spanish, however they have made it their own. As I listened and observed, I could see and feel how they would become completely absorbed and present in the music and dance.
Flute and drum are also a part of their musical ways, however these instruments are ONLY played in the months of February-April (to call in the new life of the Spring season) and are forbidden to be played any other time because it is believed that it will disrupt the natural cycles. I was ignorant of this and I had brought my native American flute with me. One day I thought I would play the flute out on the cliff. There was some inkling in me that felt uneasy about doing so and so I did not continue to play t for very long. I later had showed Romayne my flute and he nonchalantly told me, “that’s very nice but flute is not to be played this time of year, Years ago I almost got thrown off the cliff from playing a flute when I shouldn’t have….” I don’t know how much he was exaggerating but I took it very seriously. By the way, Romayne is an epic storyteller- speaking with eloquence melodic inflections of his voice. 
 During the opening ceremony on the day before the fiesta, we watched as the elder of the community, Candelaria, brought out three crosses to a clearing, arranged them, with cloth laid over them. These crosses are symbols of their “Four directions”- the fundamental life values of the Rarámuri.  Candelaria is the daughter of Luciano, who was a beloved medicine man and musician of that community, also a  mentor/”godfather” figure to Romayne.)  
We watched from afar in quiet respect as the area was then sanctified with incense (pine resin in a clay incense holder) and then sprinkles of Suwiki, which is their well-loved fermented corn beverage. There were invocations/prayers spoken to the four directions.  Two goats were brought down to the altar space and tied up. A few other women came out and were cleansed with smoke. We watched in awe as these goats were blessed and then killed and strung up on a tree nearby to be cut up in parts which would then be cooked into a stew for the following day.  While the goats’ souls were being liberated from their bodies  there were songs being sung by Juanito (see video below)
The following day, there was a race in the morning and right after that was a fiesta. The families of that particular area came to attend, which really weren’t all that many people. The fiesta began there in the same clearing area near the altar with song and dance. First, it was the women who danced while Juanito sang and shook the rattle. Marichu, Andi and I also got pulled in by the women to dance. And then the music shifted to violin and guitar songs and Juanito and others danced. Juanito put on special ankle rattles that had butterfly cocoons on them. The Suwiki by that time was being served to all. After a while the festivities moved closer to the house where we had watched the women days earlier grinding the corn for their Suwiki.  I also had the honor of getting to accompany the musicians with my ukulele- I think it was the first time they had seen an ukulele! See videos and photos below!
At the fire, a young woman (I think Candelaria’s grand daughter) was cooking up tortillas by the fire where there was also the big clay pot of the goat and corn stew. We all were given some to eat. During this trip I most certainly ate bean and corn every day there- the tortillas were really delicious and hearty. Honestly I could gratefully eat beans and tortillas everyday. 
And the Suwiki kept on coming around in plentitude. The musicians and dancers were definitely becoming quite inebriated. I was told by Romayne that often times it is during the fiestas that a man and woman might come together and “go disappear somewhere, maybe in a cave” and after that they would be a couple. Because of their very shy nature, Romayne shared, the Suwiki assists in openness in sharing their affection. Marriage as we know it doesn’t really exist there- people just come together there, and start having babies and just take care of one another.  
When Children get old enough to steadily walk and talk the parents leave them with the goats to begin their learning of how to be with and herd the animals. It is in the home and family unit where the real education happens. As I mentioned before, there is a schoolhouse on the mesa for the children, funded by Romayne, so they can learn to read and write learn mathematics. We visited there one day. There were only a handful of students, all quite young. These young children actually would sleep there with one of the adults, at the school in a room with provided beds for the few days of their school week, because their homes were so far away to walk. The older children had already moved on to the other school on the next mesa over. I was glad to see on the wall of the room the numbers, written in their Rarámuri language. 
As I mentioned before there is also a hospital in the mesa. About twice a month a doctor comes from the neighboring city (which takes bout 4 hours of driving on remote dirt roads) to do check-ups for people in the region. Below is a photo of the hospital.
Now I would like to express some of the more complex issues that arose in our group during this week. While we had the privilege to be out in this remote area of Mexico and connect with the Rarámuri and also learn about their ways of life, many feelings surfaced around Colonization, climate change, the impact of Western materialist/consumerist influences, and how we as privileged “white people” could be of best support to Indigenous people, such as the Rarámuri. Since we were there to connect with, learn from and to also create a documentary film about Romayne and the Rarámuri people we wanted to feel like our impact would be a positive one. 
Even while immersed in the peace and majesty of this remote mountainous region, we saw the evidence of corruption of their natural harmonious ways of living- due to the influx of commercial commodities, products wrapped in plastic, alcohol, sugar, etc.  It was a disappointment to see the garbage strewn all over the environment in these beautiful places- but the truth is- its all the garbage from modern Society that is brought in to these rural indigenous communities and there has yet to be established a common understanding of how this garbage is ultimately harmful to the earth and the beings living here. Before the arrival of modern day life (and the plastic garbage that comes long with it) all the materials were natural and biodegradable. Their  “food wrappers” were made of corn husk (and for the most part they still are!).
On our very first day when we foreigners gathered with Romayne in his “eagle’s Next,” next to his piano to discuss a “game plan” of how to proceed with the filming of this documentary and what REALLY was the intention behind it and what did we wish to accomplish with it. We included a few other respected people of the village to include their valuable input, of what they felt was important for us to try to convey through the documentary film. 
These are some insight gems from this experience and throughout our week:
1. Modern, Western materialist society has become disconnected to Nature and are suffering greatly because of it. Indigenous People, such as the Raramuri’s ways of life are of major VALUE to our modern materialist society because they can teach us the importance of staying connected to Nature and to the fundamental Values that make Life worth living (i.e. the “four directions”).
2. The responsibility that we have as “privileged white people” is to heal this disconnection through connective and restorative action and to also BE OF SERVICE to and Sacred RECIPROCITY with the indigenous people’s, whose lives and lands we have benefitted from. This “service” and “reciprocity” is not necessarily going to look how WE think it should- We need to examine our ingrained colonizing mentalities to realize that we do not always KNOW what is best for others.
3. A life of SERVICE through the ACTUALIZING of one’s natural Gifts is a source of deep fulfillment and brings inspiration for others who bear witness of it. In this case- Romayne found his deep fulfillment in Life through the giving back to the people and ways of life that so deeply touched his life- through the gifts and talents of his musical genius. Romayne’s unique story is an inspiration for people who also have the desire to “make a difference” in this world. 
4. In this ever spreading globalization and all the positive and negative impacts that come with it, there are precious living treasures of wisdom that continue to persevere-whether it be deep in the Amazon rainforest or high is the Sierra Tarahumara- and these people and ways of life have much to teach us about what it truly means to be human and how the quality of our lives depend on the quality of Life itself.  We are all truly connected.

Overview and Introduction
This beautiful mushroom has allured human beings for who knows how many millennia. Archaeological evidence shows that people carried this mushroom from the Eurasian continent over the Bering strait to North America during the last glacial era, which shows how important this mushroom must have been to them.
There are so many examples of this iconic mushroom being woven into humanity’s evolution- from ancient cave art etched in stone to carved stone statues of various indigenous cultures to frescoes painted on the walls of Christian chapels to the stained glass of Catholic church cathedrals.  This mushroom, no doubt, has played a significant role for humanity, just as many of the other powerful and healing plant and fungi allies: cannabis, psilocybin mushrooms and ayahuasca, just to name a few. Just like a lot of things, over time, knowledge can be lost- and I could also say hidden or withheld from the populace. Over time this magical and majestic mushroom became misunderstood, judged and yes, feared.    
A seeker of truth will discover how knowledge has intentionally been kept from people, in the efforts to preserve an elite group of peoples’ power, and in other words, to prevent people from empowering themselves. This is what propaganda is for, and now, arguably, even our mass media is being utilized for this. “Fake news” is a real thing. 
Many people are still emerging from the brainwashing of the “war on drugs” propaganda, that was unleashed on the American population, which unfortunately created a lot of stigma around psychotropic and entheogenic plants and fungi. It is now fairly common knowledge that the pharmaceutical industry had a major role in creating the majority of drug dependencies that led to the “opiate crisis” and now they’ve created even more drugs (such as methadone and naltrexone) to help us get off the other “bad” drugs (heroin, and other opiates). Terribly, these “drugs to help us get off the drugs” are actually even more difficult to get off from. I’d say, now there’s a full on “benzodiazepine crisis” going on.  Last year, when I finally got myself a primary care doctor, and I shared with her that I had been really struggling with anxiety, can you guess what was her response to that was? “I could prescribe you some medication to help with that.” I never returned to her. 
It’s obvious that so many people are in dire mental and emotional support but sadly the hamster wheel reality that so many people are living in makes it very difficult for people to slow down and get the support they need.  Yet, I will say that once a person makes the decision to change and take charge of their own healing- support can and will show up from all directions. The reason why I know this is true is because I have experienced it myself. I believe that we are all here for a reason and the universe wants each and every one of us to stand in our power. As the saying goes, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way….”
Now that much more traction is being gained in the tremendous value of “entheogenic/psychedelic medicines” through scientific studies as well as the recognized value of indigenous wisdom ways, it seems that the knowledge of this powerful red mushroom has found its way back to our lives. As we the people, who evolved over thousands of years in close relationship with these powerful mushrooms and plant allies of Earth, is in not exciting to think, what role could this amazing mushroom could play for us now, in a society so filled with anxiety and depression? For several generations now, so many of us “civilized folk” have been disconnected from the medicines of earth, having been misled by a societal system that would have us rather be dependent on synthetically produced pharmaceutical drugs, to treat the conditions that often stem from the sick society in which we are living. 
I feel it is crucial to emphasize here that in this “psychedelic renaissance” we must be careful with the way we approach these medicines of the earth. To approach them with the same mindset that “I want to take this thing to fix me and make me feel better” and not embrace the self-responsibility that it actually requires “to feel better” is actually disrespectful and devaluing of the self and the medicine. As a newly trained addiction recovery and integration coach, I am passionate about empowering people to be a conscious co-creator of their reality- to find ways of cultivating more connection in their life to self and nature, through ritual and embodiment practices. The precious medicines of earth can most certainly help us in our healing, but it is through our intentional efforts that we actually earn the peace and healing that we seek. We may be “creatures of habit,” but we are also courageous creatures with great potential to change!  
 Now, back to Amanita muscaria. In the last few years, it’s as if a veil has been lifted from our perceptual lens of this mushroom- more and more scientific studies are emerging about the active chemicals in this mushroom that can aid in anxiety and depression among other things. And there’s also the interesting folklore that has become more commonly known, even in our narratives around religious traditions, such as Christmas, and the relationship of the reindeer and jolly ol’ Santa Claus! There are numerous books and articles that can be found at our fingertips through the internet (which I will source at the end of this paper.) And there are online forums about it- On Telegram, YouTube, and I just discovered Reddit, and I’m sure there are many more. How far down the rabbit hole you want to go , is up to you!   Even though we have been told for generations to fear this powerful and beautiful mushroom, the time has come for the truth to be revealed. 
A more Personal Introduction….
Before I delve into my own story of how my life was so positively influenced by this mushroom, the “good biology student and teacher” in me desires to share about this mushroom’s bio-chemistry, ecology and ethno-pharmacology, so as to give a well rounded understanding to a person not knowing much about this mushroom. (Disclaimer: This is in no way a “scholarly essay” or research paper as I will not be properly using citations. I’m no longer in college after all, I am in the school of life. However, I will provide sources when I directly quote or use specific information and I will provide a list of resources at the end of this paper.)   
My educational background is in the Natural Sciences, having received a Bachelors of Arts from University of Hawaii at Hilo in Natural Science with a minor in Biology. Mycology was one of the fields of study that fascinated and inspired me in such a deep way- beyond my logical and analytical mind. There was something mystical to me about mushrooms. When I found out at age thirteen that there were mushrooms out there that could open up other dimensions of reality, I thought to myself “Where can I find them!?” (It didn’t take me long to.)  
I am an avid “mycophile” (lover of mushrooms) and I study mushrooms with a passion- I love trying to identify mushrooms and I derive great joy looking for mushrooms in the forests. I have also developed what I can only describe as a psychic connection with mushrooms, in the way that I actually have felt “guided” by them, to places where I can find them. I have woken up in the morning with the Amanita muscaria whispering into my consciousness “Come find me, I’m here….” As I will expand more upon later, the deepening of my relationship with A. muscaria began when I was really needing support and anxiety had begun to really diminish my quality of life. Thats when I went into the forest to find the mushrooms. It make me think of the quote of the Sufi poet Rumi: “What you seek is seeking you.”
About the Fungi
I remember learning in my mycology course how mushrooms are merely the “fruiting body” of a species of fungi- a body that mostly lives under the ground’s surface, as mycelium- which are a network of fungal threads called hyphae. By sensing the optimal conditions, the mycelium will then begin the formation of the mushroom, which will emerge from the ground (except truffle, which stay underground!) containing the spores, to then be dispersed into the environment. Fungi play such an important role in our ecosystems as they are “decomposers.” In the great circle of Life, we cannot leave out Death, because all that dies shall break down in composition, to become nourishment for more life! Yet, there are some fungi that have evolved away from their decomposing abilities and have come to depend on their symbiosis with trees, such as the Amanita genus.
Amanita muscaria has a symbiotic relationship with as many as 20 different tree species, including pine, oak, spruce, fir, birch, and cedar.
This means that the mycelium of this fungi grows along the roots of the tree, making mineral nutrients and water more available to the tree, while the fungi uptakes sugars from the roots of the tree. This relationship is known as a “mycorrhizal network.”  
The genus Amanita contains at least 400 species, a couple of which are the most known deadly mushrooms in the world, and some species of which are considered the most delicious to eat. A really unique signature of the Amanita’s morphology is the way it grows and emerges- from an egg-like sac called a “volva.” As the mushroom emerges, pieces of the volva can stick to the cap of the mushroom, like warts, as seen so clearly in the cap A.muscaria.
The Misunderstanding of this Mushroom
Amanita muscaria has been deemed “toxic” and “poisonous” and even “deadly” - all titles which are misleading and also simply not true. There are various reasons for the spread of this misinformation. Here, I will highlight on some scientific facts:
Because the Amanita genus contains some of the most poisonous mushrooms in the world, and people are afraid of being poisoned, this mushroom got lumped in with the “deadly’s.” What makes the deadly amanitas deadly is that they contain “amatoxins” and “phallotoxins.” Amatoxins are also found in two other genera of mushroom (Galerina and Lepidiota). To clarify here, Amanita muscaria does NOTcontain either of these chemicals. 
Because this is a powerful mushroom with potentially psychoactive effects, fear and curiosity can arise in many people. The fearful will likely stay away from it, and even stomp on the mushrooms when they see them (and that just hurts my heart!).  And even for the curious who venture to ingest this mushroom just for the sake of wanting to know what it will do to them, may end up having a very unpleasant experience, or they may have a profoundly enjoyable experience, OR they may have no experience at all! As I will discuss later on, relationship and intention are important when deciding to ingest psychoactive mushrooms and/or plants. 
Because people have reported feeling sick and vomiting from ingesting this mushroom, it has been deemed “toxic.” There may have even been a death from a person who choked on their own vomit from having ingested this mushroom - but even in that case,  the mushroom itself was not the real culprit. Now, let’s get deeper into the chemistry….
ACTIVE INGREDIENTS & BIOCHEMISTRY
The active ingredients of Amanita muscaria, are Ibotenic Acid and Muscimol. Muscimol is derived from ibotenic acid by decarboxylation. Ibotenic acid is an analogue of the neurotransmitter glutamate. Glutamate is one of the most abundant amino acids in the body. It  also serves as a metabolic precursor to the neurotransmitter GABA (gamma-Aminobutyric acid) According to one scientific study, people who suffer from depression may have had lower levels of GABA present in the brain. According to another 2019 study, GABA has anti-microbial, anti-seizure, and antioxidant properties and may help treat and prevent conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure and insomnia. (source:https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326847#medical-benefits) I mention this because, muscimol binds to the same site on the GABAA receptor complex as GABA itself, as opposed to other GABAergic drugs such as barbiturates and benzodiazepines which bind to separate regulatory sites. (source:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscimol). 
Re-stated: Muscimol mimics the chemical GABA, which is a neurotransmitter responsible for calming the mind and easing anxiety, among other benefits. 
So, could this mushroom be like “nature’s benzodiazepine,” yet safer because our bodies will not become chemically dependent? I feel it is not as straight forward as this and I would never want to diminish this mushroom by comparing it with a pharmeceutical. Also I feel it is more mysterious, requiring respect and even reverence, to the approach of “using”- or how I would rather refer to it as “working with” - this powerful and potentially healing mushroom. (more on that topic in the later section on “Cultivating Relationship”) There are other species of Amanita that contain these chemicals of importance (and in higher amounts) as well, which look similar to A. muscaria and those species are: A. pantherina (known as the “panther cap” or “false blusher”) and A. regalis (known as the “Royal Fly Agaric”)  
IBOTENIC ACID
“Ibotenic acid is an unstable compound; consequently, during extraction and subsequent processing large losses can occur. Also, in dried mushrooms the ibotenic acid content decreases gradually.” (https://www.unodc.org/unodc/en/data-and-analysis/bulletin/bulletin_1970-01-01_4_page005.html). This compound, when “decarboxylated” (heated to a specific temperature) becomes muscimol. According to studies, it has been shown that the highest percentage of this compound is found in the top yellow layer of the mushroom cap, just below the thin top colored skin. The concentrations of ibotenic acid are higher in the fresh mushroom, and when consumed (in the mushroom’s more raw state) can have potent effects that are responsible for the more “unpleasant” effects : nausea, vomiting and/or gastro-intestinal upset. And yet, it should be noted that there can also be very pleasant psychoactive effects as well- euphoria, and various other sensory altering effects. 
MUSCIMOL
“Muscimol can be found in all Amanita species in which ibotenic acid occurs. However, since it is easily derived from ibotenic acid through the loss of water and CO2, which can occur during extraction or on paper chromatograms, one cannot say positively that it is a genuine compound in the mushroom.”(https://www.unodc.org/unodc/en/data-and-analysis/bulletin/bulletin_1970-01-01_4_page005.html). And so, interestingly, it may be that this compound is only found in the mushroom because it was created/converted from the ibotenic acid. 
I have witnessed a certain level of “judgement” of ibotenic acid,  being unfavorable to ingest and that the goal before ingesting is to convert as much of it as possible to muscimol, however, it has been argued that ibotenic acid plays an important role in the benefits of ingesting this mushroom- and that you can never really convert ALL the ibotenic acid anyways.
From what information I have gathered is that “ibotenic acid” has gotten a bad reputation and is considered by many to be unfavorable- which is why people take extra steps to decarboxylate the mushrooms so as to convert the ibotenic acid to muscimol.  One of the possible reasons for the “bad rap” is that it has actually been referred to scientifically as a “neurotoxin” but this was  because of a particular study’s outcome: it was found to cause brain legions when injected directly into the heads of rats.  When we ingest this mushroom, it obviously would not have the same effect as being injected into our brains, and so therefore, the title of “neurotoxin” is not accurate and is misleading.
Cultivating Right Relationship
As I shared a little bit earlier, prior to cultivating my deep relationship with A. muscaria I been struggling with anxiety, an over active mind and very debilitating control patterns that developed over the past couple years (due to personal and relational circumstances). I believe in the healing power of plant medicines and that they are amazing tools that can help us in our healing, and to interrupt addictions and our “normal” patterning (which is often times dis-functional!). However, we as individuals play the most important role in our healing- I truly believe the power is in our hands to become the “CEO’s of our own Health and Wellbeing,” as a nutrition coach mentor of mine says. It is our responsibility to put in our efforts to INTEGRATE the insights and new mind states we gain from plant medicines into our lives- so that we don’t just become dependent upon another “substance” to shift our undesirable feeling state. We do this with courageous acts, by making the needed life changes to decrease stress and to nourish the conditions for our wellness and by cultivating nervous system regulating practices such as EFT/tapping, breath work, and so many others.   
I do not believe that any medicine or substance outside of ourselves can be a  "magic bullet" or “cure- all.” I believe it is crucial to be in "right relationship” with all medicines. That all being said- I greatly appreciate and value the plant medicine world and am vary cautious of the pharmaceuticals prescribed by doctors which do NOT heal, but only treat the symptoms, and often cause more ill side effects and dangerous chemical dependencies. It is important to remember, “Big Pharma” profits from our un-wellness. 
Working with A. muscaria
There are many ways one can work with A. muscaria. I will describe a way that I feel cultivates a relationship with this mushroom that is respectful and reverent of the mushroom, which may potentiate its healing benefits.
One can begin by working with it on the energetic and psychic level. I was guided by my curiosity and intuition to work with this mushroom, and have felt a joyous connection with this mushroom since I first saw it out in the forest. The elated feeling I would get from the mushroom actually was the indicator to me that I needed to learn more about it and so, my studies began.
It is important to do your own research- don’t just take my word for granted. I started finding and reading lots of articles, watching videos and I took a workshop from the Fungi Academy, featuring a woman who goes by the name “Amanita Dreamer.” I started to feel more and more confident that ingesting A. muscariawas not dangerous but could actually be in divine alignment for me. I started to align with certain people out there who’s perspective and knowledge of A.muscaria I found very helpful. (See resources at end.)
After the first big Autumn seasonal rains soaked the earth up where I live in northern California, I remember the day that I woke up and I just knew they were out there in the forest. I actually felt their presence in my psychic field. It had happened the season prior also, and so, my energetic connection had been developing for at least a couple of years before I felt it was time to actually harvest them. 
Before harvesting I had already learned that the active ingredients are in the caps and the potency is most prime when the mushroom is relatively “young,” before the cap has fully flattened out.  I would always leave the older mushrooms so that their spores could be released into the environment. When harvesting, I did so with reverence and gratitude.
When I brought the mushroom caps home, I dehydrated them at about 130 degrees until “cracker dry” as Amanita Dreamer refers to it. I then scraped the gills out from the cap, since the gills don’t contain the desired active ingredients. Note: Its easier and less of a mess to scrape them out once dried. I saved this scraped out contents into a jar to then release back to re-spore the forest.  The scraped out caps went into another jar. I kept these dried caps in jars on my altar and connected with them energetically until the day came when I knew it was time.
Potency varies from mushroom to mushroom and so when it comes to ingesting them, the most reliable way to get a consistent dosage is to ingest either the powder of the ground up mushroom caps (via tea or capsule) or from a tincture. I personally wanted to work with the caps whole so that I could see them with their beautiful color and not grind them up. I did indeed notice how one gram of dried mushroom caps varied from day to day, while micro-dosing. I actually enjoyed that mysterious aspect. For example, one morning a noticed much more of an effect, to where I actually needed to lay down- and it was a very healing and learning experience for me in slowing down and receiving.  I also have tried breaking off pieces from multiple different caps to get a more average range of potency and weighing out my desired dosage that way.
Because I resonated with it, I decided to follow the guidance of Adam, a fellow A. muscaria advocate and magical herbal alchemist who runs balticalchemy.com. I started with 1gram in the morning and 1g at night, making a tea. I break apart caps onto a small scale to weigh out and then steep the mushroom pieces in my tea for up to 10 minutes. I then have a ritual of sitting down at my altar and speaking my words of gratitude to the mushroom tea and my intentions while they steep.
Making a respectful and reverent “daily practice” or ritual with this mushroom, and any plant or mushroom medicine, is very important to me and is an important, integrative part of any "microdosing protocol.” This is where and how we RE-PATTERN and RE-PROGRAM ourselves. And this is how we also cultivate right relationship with our medicine.
I drink down the tea, with heart open in gratitude for the opportunity to commune with this mushroom. I also eat the mushroom pieces within it the tea.  I actually like to speak directly to the spirit of the mushroom, my gratitude and my prayers. I like to also do some EFT(Emotional Freedom Technique)/“tapping” and bodily stretching/movement and then I go about my day.
I usually feel the effects within the hour. Sometimes I feel a warmth in my heart space, or a warmth of peace and/or bliss sweeping through my body. There are many other subtle effects I have noticed and I feel it is important to keep certain things sacred and inside as it is my own mysterious journry I am on, which will be unlike any one else’s.
So far, My only experience in consuming a larger amount was in an Amanita muscaria ceremony which I attended and my experience was pleasant. Not only did we consume a strong tea of it but we also smoked it! That was rather harsh and I did not particularly like that but smoking of the top layer of the mushroom cap definitely does have an affect which can be described as childlike elation. I did notice my sense of taste become much more vivid and my perception became slightly warped. I definitely had a lot of energy which continued into the next day where I noticed how I was “talking a mile a minute” 😆
 Read more below about my own experience with micro-dosing ….
My Micro-dosing Testimonial
I noticed the positive benefits in only a few days- My anxiety, fight/flight sensations, worrying mind/thoughts- were simply GONE. My whole reality shifted just from being able to feel CALM again in mind and body. I realized how much a dis-regulated nervous system (“anxiety”) was negatively impacting my perception of reality. A.muscaria also helped me to re-configure my long time habitual relationship with cannabis. I made the decision to completely stop smoking cannabis the day I began working with A.muscaria, which has also contributed greatly to my increased energy and clarity of mind. 
Before this tremendous positive shift from A.muscaria, I could barely sit still. My outlook on life was very despairing and filled with self-doubt.   I have rapidly regained a positive outlook, more motivation and self-confidence and more focus. I have also been getting more sustained sleep through the night. I have felt more light hearted elation, and peace than I have experienced in the past couple of years.  
In summary, this beautiful mushroom has played a pivotal role in assisting me to get my nervous system back into a regulated place, after suffering the repercussions of being in “fight or flight” mode for an extended amount of time.don’t necessarily and I consider it to be such a powerful catalyst for me in my healing and coming into clarity and alignment with my truth. 
Amanita muscaria has become my most beloved ally from the forest, showing me that I too have so much to offer to this world once I stand in my power, with my innate wisdom, mystery, beauty, truth and love.
Resources- (I encourage you to do your own research!)
Websites:
1. www.amanitadreamer.net
2. www.reindeeramanita.com
3.  https://fungiacademy.com/
4. http://www.amanitaceae.org/
5. https://jgi.doe.gov/retracing-roots-fungal-symbioses/
6. https://www.technologynetworks.com/neuroscience/blog/harnessing-the-therapeutic-potential-of-muscimol-349541
7. https://www.mushroomstone.com/
8. https://themushroomcap.com/product/the-fungal-pharmacy/
9. https://www.ancientpages.com/2016/09/14/mysterious-ancient-mushrooms-in-myths-and-legends-sacred-feared-and-worshiped-among-ancient-civilizations-2/
10. https://www.balticalchemy.com/
11. https://harmonyacresfarms.org/
Books:
Fly Agaric: A Compendium of History, Pharmacology, Mythology, & Exploration, 
by Kevin M. Feeney
The Fungal Pharmacy by Robert Rogers
Mushrooms of the Redwood Coast- a comprehensive guide to the Fungi of Coastal Northern California. Noah Siegel and Christian Schwarz

(This image above that I created was for my own artistic integration for my soul journey with Iboga, in which I “danced with Pele”, the goddess of the Volcano. )

Come….come to me sister, daughter, beloved child…. 
Do you not see the light within you?
Have you gone numb to your own fiery passions inside of you?
Come flow with me….bring your love and humility and dance with me.
For, my fire brings new life….
It burns away the old stagnant energy.
It creates the space to create.
Dance with me and feel in your blood your fiery passion to create!
THIS is your birthright, your soul’s purpose and your highest joy.

Soul Medicine- My Journeys with IbogaFirst of all, WHAT IS IBOGA? This amazing and powerful plant is becoming more and more known to the western world due to its awesome capacity to act upon our neurotransmitters and help with substance addiction issues. 
I was “called” and also invited to work with this sacred plant medicine because a dear beloved of mine had been struggling with addiction with various substances (which at the root of this was issues of self worth) and so when committed to attend this Iboga ceremonial retreat in Costa Rica he extended the invitation to me and I said Yes. 
The below passages were written by the wonderful Elizabeth Bast who I had the pleasure of meeting and receiving guidance from on the SOUL CENTROBwiti initiated retreat team, with regards to navigating and working with this plant medicine…
​“Iboga is an entheogenic (psychedelic) plant medicine held sacred by the indigenous people of Central West Africa. The medicine is found in an inner layer of root bark from the Tabernanthe iboga plant as well a broader group of perennial shrubs belonging to the Apocynaceae family, found in the tropical forests of Gabon, Cameroon, and the Republic of Congo.

The ceremonial and reverent use of the Iboga root is integral to the Bwiti tradition for spiritual initiation, spiritual and physical healing, shamanic diagnosis and prescription, community celebration ceremonies, self-study, prayerful microdosing, direct communication with nature spirits, fertility and aphrodisiac purposes, an endurance and vision aid during long hunts (in light doses), spiritual travel through space and time, and communion with ancestors as well as the healing of ancestral lines. Iboga is considered to be a sentient spirit and master teacher, not a mere substance to consume. 

Knowledge of iboga was first held by the Babongo people, otherwise known as the Pygmies, who then passed on the practice to sects within the Bwiti tradition. As the 2nd oldest genetic line in the world, the Babongo people may have worked with iboga since ancient times. 

Like Ayahuasca, San Pedro (Huachuma), Peyote, and Psilocybin mushrooms, it is a sacred visionary plant medicine, yet iboga is an utterly unique spirit. More recently, iboga and its active alkaloid ibogaine have been proven to have powerful addiction breaking effects in medical studies and observational research. 

Some people have referred to iboga as the “Mt. Everest” of psychedelic medicines. Iboga can be a rigorous physical, mental, and spiritual journey—and yet there is always a profound and loving intelligence at play through the challenging moments. At times, journeys may also be playful or bizarre. Initial “flood” doses or high ceremonial doses can be accompanied by intense purging/vomiting and other cleansing reactions, temperature changes, trembling muscles and limbs (ataxia), and general physical discomfort. The journey can last up to 24 to 48 hours—with 12 hours being the most intense psychedelic phase. Visions may or may not be a part of the journey, depending on the needs of the individual. One may experience answers to our deepest questions, insights, guidance, soul healing, realizations of one’s divine nature, shadow work, facing fears, releasing attachments, premonitions and warnings, and visitations from ancestors or loved ones who have passed on. In initial journeys, one may experience the “mind purge” in which all the contents of the psyche, both lived and imagined, arise in a rapid storm. The intelligent purpose of the mind purge is to truly “look into the basement” of our consciousness to be pristinely aware of what is there—and then to make new space for what one is calling in.”
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I never could have imagined that I would have the profound privilege and opportunity to commune with this powerful plant medicine Iboga, but life unfolded in its mysterious way to open this path to me. 
Iboga and Ibogaine (one of the 13 alkaloids of the Iboga root) have become more known in the Western world over the last 10 years for its miraculous ability to help heal addiction by helping a person get to the root of their traumas and underlying reasons for their addiction. However, this medicine is not just necessarily for people with addiction problems  (although I do think that most people have addiction problems!)- It is over all a very healing plant that is used to detoxify the mind and body. At the psycho-spiritual level, this medicine is the ultimate “truth seeker”- it helps you to see and know all the thought-forms that get in the way of being aligned with the Truth of your soul. 
Communing with Iboga was definitely not a “fun” experience- it was actually one of the most uncomfortable and challenging experiences of my life. I already have a pretty “overactive” mind so I definitely was curious (and a little nervous) of what my experience would be like. I remember when I was “in the thick of it” thinking “I don’t ever want to do this again.”   I will attempt to describe my experience from the beginning:
The ceremony begins around the fire pit around 8 pm. A water buffalo horn is blown in the four directions and the fire is lit. One of the facilitators goes around the circle with a torch or aromatic resin and herbs to cleanse each participant. The medicine is given one by one- We state our full name and then are fed a spoonful of the rootbark which we then wash down with water. And then the “fire talk” begins. Various “truth topics” are brought up for discussion. Sometimes there would be a posed question and we would go around the the circle and we would all get a chance to speak and share our perspective. “What do you know about love”….”How do you know the truth?”…..”What obstacles get in the way of being present?” The medicine begins to take effect in 30-60 minutes. Before closing the fire talk, each person is to look into a mirror that is held in front of their face and answer: “Who are you?” “Who do you love?” “Why do you love yourself?” When that is complete we are led back to our mats, and by then I was feeling the medicine. It is emphasized to “take it slow” as quick and sudden movements can bring on nausea and dizziness. 
There is traditional Bwiti ceremonial music being played over the speakers. I layed down on my mat and put an eye mask on. With eyes covered the medicine is experienced much more and the inner journey can begin.  Each person is given more medicine- specifically measured for the person- this time in the form of a capsule containing the “Total alkaloid” extract of the root bark- so one capsule can be up to 7 spoonfuls of root bark. The first ceremony I received one capsule and the second ceremony I received two (everyone got more medicine on the second night). Then the journey begins to deepen. 
The music has quite the synergistic effect with the medicine and I would say plays a big role in the journey. One of the main instruments heard in the music is the the mougongo, which is mouth harp made of carved bent wood with a string that is played with a small stick. While the mouth changes the sound that is produced changes in tone. The other instruments that are heard are the shakers. With the eye mask on the auditory senses are very heightened and visions come easy. The music that is very repetitive and chaotic in rhythm (many times having at least four different rhythms going on) plays a powerful role on the brainwaves, putting you in a trance like state. The facilitators also used shakers along with the recorded music and it felt like we were being washed with sound as they shook the shakers all around our bodies. The facilitators actually call this sound effect “the chisler”- because if feels like its chiseling you. My body began to shake and tremble, I could feel it acting on my nervous system- which was one of my intentions- to heal my nervous system.  In my inner visions I could see the musicians playing this music, I could see their faces in detail. My body felt waves of heat burning through it.
At some point one of the facilitators came to me and anointed my third eye with “pygmy paste” which is a special recipe only known to the older women of the Bwiti. And then began the “Soul Journey”- for which I had prepared a set of succinct personal questions. A facilitator guides this journey for an individual if they feel like the person is ready and able and they utilize the questions within the journey so that the individual can derive truthful answers from the clearest part of themselves.
 Everyone’s journey and experience with the medicine is different, just as everyone’s soul is a unique expression. Some great advice I received before coming into this work was “release your expectations.”  For instance, not everyone has really vivid- “clear as day”- visions. I did not, actually. They were more like impressions and glimpses of images and at first I wondered “am I just imagining this?” and I found myself not trusting in what I was really seeing- but then I realized that this is actually a pattern of mine- of self doubt and the tendency of comparing myself to others. Sometimes this self judgement can sound like “I can’t even do THIS (the medicine) right!”  which is a thought that is not helpful or kind. Instead, what is needed is more TRUST in and COMPASSION for one’s Self.  
I won’t go into too many details of my journey’s because of the personal content. First, I was guided to “find my soul” which may be, say, in your room of your house for example.   I went through a conversational process with my soul with the questions I had come up with and then ultimately I merged back with my soul, which I had unconsciously “pushed aside” from various traumas in my life.  This may hve been the the most meaningful insight I got from my soul journeys- was that I had abandoned my own soul- “pushed her out” from her rightful place for the over-caring and over-consideration of others- which in turn left me feeling out of touch with my own needs and desires.  And then I was guided to fly to Grandmother Moon, where I met up with either an ancestor or someone dear to me that has passed on. On the first night the person who I met with was my dear sister Natalia who passed away several years ago. She gave me clear insights into self love and self care and being true to myself.   In the second journey I met up with my grandma who affirmed my soul’s purpose- to share music from my soul(not for my soul).  Then you fly to the brightest star that you can see in the universe and touch it to receive its light to illuminate my life’s body, mind and spirit!  In the first soul journey I was guided into my brain/mind as well as my heart to “clean out” these spaces. My “cleaning techniques” just came to me, as clear insights. Basically, it was a practice in trusting the first “truth impressions” that would come to me.   
 There were many more parts to these soul journeys and since they were very much reflections of my own life’s experiences and psyche I will not share them here, but instead will be creating artwork to integrate the insights I gained from my inner visions. At the very end of this, I will share some images I recently created (scroll down).
Iboga medicine lasts a very long time. Hours and hours….until morning and beyond. (The spirit of Iboga can actually stay with you for months- that is if you respect and honor it. I was told that drinking alcohol or communing with other powerful plant teachers is a sure way to “get Iboga to leave.”) At its most intense, I experienced a torrent of thoughts, one after the other, for hours- which is impossible to describe through words. Its termed a “mind purge”- it can be thoughts of moments of your life, it could be one thought that leads to the next- a fascinating study of the mind for sure! One may also experience physical purging- which I certainly did! I’m no rookie with purging, as I have been working with Ayahuasca for about 20 years, however purging on Iboga is another story! Purging root bark is much harder!  But back to the “mind purge” which was far more fascinating- The only way I could tolerate this intense hurricane of thoughts was to keep my center, practice non-attachment and to come back to the present moment, through my breath, through feeling the sensations of my body. I actually was able to find techniques in real time to shift and let go of my thoughts.  It all had to do with the attention I would give it.  And if a thought wasn’t based on truth, it would evaporate and disappear- because it was never really real! This is  a very valuable insight to have: that Only the Present experience is actually Real and True! 
A very precious insight I was given was a perspective of myself like I have never had before. I was able to SEE myself from outside of myself, as if I was looking at myself from someone else’s perspective. With this perception I was able to know the truth in we should never judge another person and we should also especially never judge ourselves. I got to see myself as a beautiful, sensitive, deeply feeling human being and I felt much love for myself in this perception. As I write this my heart swells with emotion. We are so hard on ourselves and most of the time we are judging ourselves unconsciously. These unconscious patterns must be brought to our awareness before we can even address them. And for this awareness I am profoundly grateful for plant medicines because they hold the potential to open our minds, widen our perceptions and help us be free from our rigid mental patterns we have come to believe to be “truth” and they can help us see the real Truth.
In this “mind purge experience, the underlying limiting beliefs and “self talk” that one wouldn’t want to admit to anyone gets put on the mind’s loudspeakers! When this would come up for me I would remember to give myself love and compassion. Fears, self judgement, criticism, and the like, can sound like many things…In fact it is quite common for people to have auditory hallucinations when working with Iboga.  For example, there was a person in the group that was absolutely convinced that I was yelling at him to shut up and all sorts of other terrible things! (Because in his head he was looping out loud my name and also in his head I was responding very harshly!) To him it sounded clear as day, but amazingly, it was all within his mind!  What we are actually “hearing” much of the time in our inner mental space are reflections of our own fundamental core beliefs, perceptions of self and conditioning. And if these core beliefs have been formed from harmful/traumatic events in our life they are going to manifest in ways that only serve to keep us stuck in that pattern- until we recognize it for what it is and “do the work” to re-pattern (which can look different for everyone!). 
What I found was that the only remedy for our true healing and empowerment is LOVE and AWARENESS.  It was very clear how our tendency to be stuck in the past or worried about the future keeps us from truly living!  Mental Illness is definitely a result of this tendency- and I got very clear insights from the medicine how most of us in the modern western world are, to some extent, on this spectrum of mental illness- in the way that we loop self destructive thoughts and are rarely present.  
The following day, the medicine is still very much at work, although the most intense part is over. I experienced the most clarity and profound peace of mind. My body felt amazing, purified and strengthened. However, the following day after that, my mind started to “creep back in” and with it all the feelings and thought/emotion loops. I realized, with humility, that Iboga is NOT here to “do the work for us.” It is here to SHOW us how we need to take our power back by loving and valuing ourselves enough to do the work that is required. It is a medicine for our mind and shows us how every thought has power.
 Iboga showed me the truth that I can never un-see. It showed me the good work I need to do- and primarily that work is LOVING MYSELF, TAKING TIME FOR MYSELF, and TRUSTING MYSELF.
This might look like practicing acceptance to release my tendency to control. It might look like getting more sleep, allowing myself to rest more. Drinking more water. Practicing mindfulness. Taking quiet time to myself and letting go of feelings of guilt and harsh thoughts that “I’m not doing enough”. More BEING, instead of DOING- and/or more BEING while I am DOING- practicing the art of being Present at all times, even when actively doing.  
Caring enough about myself enough to not care what other people think. Staying present to life, to my needs and desires-
  Cultivating the daily practices and techniques that will help me stay present and aligned with my soul’s purpose.  
MAHALO NUI LOA, So much Gratitude to the SOUL CENTRO team! I LOVE YOU. BASSE!

“For the Bwiti, there is no guru. No ‘big guy,’ that is prayed to or worshipped. There is only one prayer that the Bwiti use. Every morning, they thank the Creator for another day. It is a gratitude for life itself, for the gift of simply being alive.
“Life is a gift, and nothing goes above it.”
– Wisdom from a Bwiti Shaman
The Bwiti know that, from day one, the creator gave us everything we need. This truth exists deep inside of us. We do not have to ‘pay’ to be alive. We simply are.
The value of one’s life is held in the Bwiti’s highest regard. They treat themselves with care, and possess honor, courage and commitment for their life.  They deeply understand that we enter this world alone and we will leave alone, so nothing outside of themselves drives their internal happiness.
They recognize that they are a part of nature, and they do not abuse it. Nature is here for us to learn and grow from, to use for resources without abusing them. If nature is abused, we are essentially abusing ourselves on emotional, physical, psychological and spiritual levels. Conversely; by abusing themselves they are abusing nature.
They teach that life has always, and will always, begin inside of us. Nothing outside of ourselves will make us happy long-term. We must harness and nurture our truth to be happy within and to bring peace to the mind.”
Above passages are from the Awaken your Soul Website