AMANITA MUSCARIA- MY SHARING ON CULTIVATING A HEALING AND EMPOWERING RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAGICAL MUSHROOM, MY SELF AND LIFE.

Overview and Introduction
This beautiful mushroom has allured human beings for who knows how many millennia. Archaeological evidence shows that people carried this mushroom from the Eurasian continent over the Bering strait to North America during the last glacial era, which shows how important this mushroom must have been to them.
There are so many examples of this iconic mushroom being woven into humanity’s evolution- from ancient cave art etched in stone to carved stone statues of various indigenous cultures to frescoes painted on the walls of Christian chapels to the stained glass of Catholic church cathedrals.  This mushroom, no doubt, has played a significant role for humanity, just as many of the other powerful and healing plant and fungi allies: cannabis, psilocybin mushrooms and ayahuasca, just to name a few. Just like a lot of things, over time, knowledge can be lost- and I could also say hidden or withheld from the populace. Over time this magical and majestic mushroom became misunderstood, judged and yes, feared.    
A seeker of truth will discover how knowledge has intentionally been kept from people, in the efforts to preserve an elite group of peoples’ power, and in other words, to prevent people from empowering themselves. This is what propaganda is for, and now, arguably, even our mass media is being utilized for this. “Fake news” is a real thing. 
Many people are still emerging from the brainwashing of the “war on drugs” propaganda, that was unleashed on the American population, which unfortunately created a lot of stigma around psychotropic and entheogenic plants and fungi. It is now fairly common knowledge that the pharmaceutical industry had a major role in creating the majority of drug dependencies that led to the “opiate crisis” and now they’ve created even more drugs (such as methadone and naltrexone) to help us get off the other “bad” drugs (heroin, and other opiates). Terribly, these “drugs to help us get off the drugs” are actually even more difficult to get off from. I’d say, now there’s a full on “benzodiazepine crisis” going on.  Last year, when I finally got myself a primary care doctor, and I shared with her that I had been really struggling with anxiety, can you guess what was her response to that was? “I could prescribe you some medication to help with that.” I never returned to her. 
It’s obvious that so many people are in dire mental and emotional support but sadly the hamster wheel reality that so many people are living in makes it very difficult for people to slow down and get the support they need.  Yet, I will say that once a person makes the decision to change and take charge of their own healing- support can and will show up from all directions. The reason why I know this is true is because I have experienced it myself. I believe that we are all here for a reason and the universe wants each and every one of us to stand in our power. As the saying goes, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way….”
Now that much more traction is being gained in the tremendous value of “entheogenic/psychedelic medicines” through scientific studies as well as the recognized value of indigenous wisdom ways, it seems that the knowledge of this powerful red mushroom has found its way back to our lives. As we the people, who evolved over thousands of years in close relationship with these powerful mushrooms and plant allies of Earth, is in not exciting to think, what role could this amazing mushroom could play for us now, in a society so filled with anxiety and depression? For several generations now, so many of us “civilized folk” have been disconnected from the medicines of earth, having been misled by a societal system that would have us rather be dependent on synthetically produced pharmaceutical drugs, to treat the conditions that often stem from the sick society in which we are living. 
I feel it is crucial to emphasize here that in this “psychedelic renaissance” we must be careful with the way we approach these medicines of the earth. To approach them with the same mindset that “I want to take this thing to fix me and make me feel better” and not embrace the self-responsibility that it actually requires “to feel better” is actually disrespectful and devaluing of the self and the medicine. As a newly trained addiction recovery and integration coach, I am passionate about empowering people to be a conscious co-creator of their reality- to find ways of cultivating more connection in their life to self and nature, through ritual and embodiment practices. The precious medicines of earth can most certainly help us in our healing, but it is through our intentional efforts that we actually earn the peace and healing that we seek. We may be “creatures of habit,” but we are also courageous creatures with great potential to change!  
 Now, back to Amanita muscaria. In the last few years, it’s as if a veil has been lifted from our perceptual lens of this mushroom- more and more scientific studies are emerging about the active chemicals in this mushroom that can aid in anxiety and depression among other things. And there’s also the interesting folklore that has become more commonly known, even in our narratives around religious traditions, such as Christmas, and the relationship of the reindeer and jolly ol’ Santa Claus! There are numerous books and articles that can be found at our fingertips through the internet (which I will source at the end of this paper.) And there are online forums about it- On Telegram, YouTube, and I just discovered Reddit, and I’m sure there are many more. How far down the rabbit hole you want to go , is up to you!   Even though we have been told for generations to fear this powerful and beautiful mushroom, the time has come for the truth to be revealed. 
A more Personal Introduction….
Before I delve into my own story of how my life was so positively influenced by this mushroom, the “good biology student and teacher” in me desires to share about this mushroom’s bio-chemistry, ecology and ethno-pharmacology, so as to give a well rounded understanding to a person not knowing much about this mushroom. (Disclaimer: This is in no way a “scholarly essay” or research paper as I will not be properly using citations. I’m no longer in college after all, I am in the school of life. However, I will provide sources when I directly quote or use specific information and I will provide a list of resources at the end of this paper.)   
My educational background is in the Natural Sciences, having received a Bachelors of Arts from University of Hawaii at Hilo in Natural Science with a minor in Biology. Mycology was one of the fields of study that fascinated and inspired me in such a deep way- beyond my logical and analytical mind. There was something mystical to me about mushrooms. When I found out at age thirteen that there were mushrooms out there that could open up other dimensions of reality, I thought to myself “Where can I find them!?” (It didn’t take me long to.)  
I am an avid “mycophile” (lover of mushrooms) and I study mushrooms with a passion- I love trying to identify mushrooms and I derive great joy looking for mushrooms in the forests. I have also developed what I can only describe as a psychic connection with mushrooms, in the way that I actually have felt “guided” by them, to places where I can find them. I have woken up in the morning with the Amanita muscaria whispering into my consciousness “Come find me, I’m here….” As I will expand more upon later, the deepening of my relationship with A. muscaria began when I was really needing support and anxiety had begun to really diminish my quality of life. Thats when I went into the forest to find the mushrooms. It make me think of the quote of the Sufi poet Rumi: “What you seek is seeking you.”
About the Fungi
I remember learning in my mycology course how mushrooms are merely the “fruiting body” of a species of fungi- a body that mostly lives under the ground’s surface, as mycelium- which are a network of fungal threads called hyphae. By sensing the optimal conditions, the mycelium will then begin the formation of the mushroom, which will emerge from the ground (except truffle, which stay underground!) containing the spores, to then be dispersed into the environment. Fungi play such an important role in our ecosystems as they are “decomposers.” In the great circle of Life, we cannot leave out Death, because all that dies shall break down in composition, to become nourishment for more life! Yet, there are some fungi that have evolved away from their decomposing abilities and have come to depend on their symbiosis with trees, such as the Amanita genus.
Amanita muscaria has a symbiotic relationship with as many as 20 different tree species, including pine, oak, spruce, fir, birch, and cedar.
This means that the mycelium of this fungi grows along the roots of the tree, making mineral nutrients and water more available to the tree, while the fungi uptakes sugars from the roots of the tree. This relationship is known as a “mycorrhizal network.”  
The genus Amanita contains at least 400 species, a couple of which are the most known deadly mushrooms in the world, and some species of which are considered the most delicious to eat. A really unique signature of the Amanita’s morphology is the way it grows and emerges- from an egg-like sac called a “volva.” As the mushroom emerges, pieces of the volva can stick to the cap of the mushroom, like warts, as seen so clearly in the cap A.muscaria.
The Misunderstanding of this Mushroom
Amanita muscaria has been deemed “toxic” and “poisonous” and even “deadly” - all titles which are misleading and also simply not true. There are various reasons for the spread of this misinformation. Here, I will highlight on some scientific facts:
Because the Amanita genus contains some of the most poisonous mushrooms in the world, and people are afraid of being poisoned, this mushroom got lumped in with the “deadly’s.” What makes the deadly amanitas deadly is that they contain “amatoxins” and “phallotoxins.” Amatoxins are also found in two other genera of mushroom (Galerina and Lepidiota). To clarify here, Amanita muscaria does NOTcontain either of these chemicals. 
Because this is a powerful mushroom with potentially psychoactive effects, fear and curiosity can arise in many people. The fearful will likely stay away from it, and even stomp on the mushrooms when they see them (and that just hurts my heart!).  And even for the curious who venture to ingest this mushroom just for the sake of wanting to know what it will do to them, may end up having a very unpleasant experience, or they may have a profoundly enjoyable experience, OR they may have no experience at all! As I will discuss later on, relationship and intention are important when deciding to ingest psychoactive mushrooms and/or plants. 
Because people have reported feeling sick and vomiting from ingesting this mushroom, it has been deemed “toxic.” There may have even been a death from a person who choked on their own vomit from having ingested this mushroom - but even in that case,  the mushroom itself was not the real culprit. Now, let’s get deeper into the chemistry….
ACTIVE INGREDIENTS & BIOCHEMISTRY
The active ingredients of Amanita muscaria, are Ibotenic Acid and Muscimol. Muscimol is derived from ibotenic acid by decarboxylation. Ibotenic acid is an analogue of the neurotransmitter glutamate. Glutamate is one of the most abundant amino acids in the body. It  also serves as a metabolic precursor to the neurotransmitter GABA (gamma-Aminobutyric acid) According to one scientific study, people who suffer from depression may have had lower levels of GABA present in the brain. According to another 2019 study, GABA has anti-microbial, anti-seizure, and antioxidant properties and may help treat and prevent conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure and insomnia. (source:https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326847#medical-benefits) I mention this because, muscimol binds to the same site on the GABAA receptor complex as GABA itself, as opposed to other GABAergic drugs such as barbiturates and benzodiazepines which bind to separate regulatory sites. (source:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscimol). 
Re-stated: Muscimol mimics the chemical GABA, which is a neurotransmitter responsible for calming the mind and easing anxiety, among other benefits. 
So, could this mushroom be like “nature’s benzodiazepine,” yet safer because our bodies will not become chemically dependent? I feel it is not as straight forward as this and I would never want to diminish this mushroom by comparing it with a pharmeceutical. Also I feel it is more mysterious, requiring respect and even reverence, to the approach of “using”- or how I would rather refer to it as “working with” - this powerful and potentially healing mushroom. (more on that topic in the later section on “Cultivating Relationship”) There are other species of Amanita that contain these chemicals of importance (and in higher amounts) as well, which look similar to A. muscaria and those species are: A. pantherina (known as the “panther cap” or “false blusher”) and A. regalis (known as the “Royal Fly Agaric”)  
IBOTENIC ACID
“Ibotenic acid is an unstable compound; consequently, during extraction and subsequent processing large losses can occur. Also, in dried mushrooms the ibotenic acid content decreases gradually.” (https://www.unodc.org/unodc/en/data-and-analysis/bulletin/bulletin_1970-01-01_4_page005.html). This compound, when “decarboxylated” (heated to a specific temperature) becomes muscimol. According to studies, it has been shown that the highest percentage of this compound is found in the top yellow layer of the mushroom cap, just below the thin top colored skin. The concentrations of ibotenic acid are higher in the fresh mushroom, and when consumed (in the mushroom’s more raw state) can have potent effects that are responsible for the more “unpleasant” effects : nausea, vomiting and/or gastro-intestinal upset. And yet, it should be noted that there can also be very pleasant psychoactive effects as well- euphoria, and various other sensory altering effects. 
MUSCIMOL
“Muscimol can be found in all Amanita species in which ibotenic acid occurs. However, since it is easily derived from ibotenic acid through the loss of water and CO2, which can occur during extraction or on paper chromatograms, one cannot say positively that it is a genuine compound in the mushroom.”(https://www.unodc.org/unodc/en/data-and-analysis/bulletin/bulletin_1970-01-01_4_page005.html). And so, interestingly, it may be that this compound is only found in the mushroom because it was created/converted from the ibotenic acid. 
I have witnessed a certain level of “judgement” of ibotenic acid,  being unfavorable to ingest and that the goal before ingesting is to convert as much of it as possible to muscimol, however, it has been argued that ibotenic acid plays an important role in the benefits of ingesting this mushroom- and that you can never really convert ALL the ibotenic acid anyways.
From what information I have gathered is that “ibotenic acid” has gotten a bad reputation and is considered by many to be unfavorable- which is why people take extra steps to decarboxylate the mushrooms so as to convert the ibotenic acid to muscimol.  One of the possible reasons for the “bad rap” is that it has actually been referred to scientifically as a “neurotoxin” but this was  because of a particular study’s outcome: it was found to cause brain legions when injected directly into the heads of rats.  When we ingest this mushroom, it obviously would not have the same effect as being injected into our brains, and so therefore, the title of “neurotoxin” is not accurate and is misleading.
Cultivating Right Relationship
As I shared a little bit earlier, prior to cultivating my deep relationship with A. muscaria I been struggling with anxiety, an over active mind and very debilitating control patterns that developed over the past couple years (due to personal and relational circumstances). I believe in the healing power of plant medicines and that they are amazing tools that can help us in our healing, and to interrupt addictions and our “normal” patterning (which is often times dis-functional!). However, we as individuals play the most important role in our healing- I truly believe the power is in our hands to become the “CEO’s of our own Health and Wellbeing,” as a nutrition coach mentor of mine says. It is our responsibility to put in our efforts to INTEGRATE the insights and new mind states we gain from plant medicines into our lives- so that we don’t just become dependent upon another “substance” to shift our undesirable feeling state. We do this with courageous acts, by making the needed life changes to decrease stress and to nourish the conditions for our wellness and by cultivating nervous system regulating practices such as EFT/tapping, breath work, and so many others.   
I do not believe that any medicine or substance outside of ourselves can be a  "magic bullet" or “cure- all.” I believe it is crucial to be in "right relationship” with all medicines. That all being said- I greatly appreciate and value the plant medicine world and am vary cautious of the pharmaceuticals prescribed by doctors which do NOT heal, but only treat the symptoms, and often cause more ill side effects and dangerous chemical dependencies. It is important to remember, “Big Pharma” profits from our un-wellness. 
Working with A. muscaria
There are many ways one can work with A. muscaria. I will describe a way that I feel cultivates a relationship with this mushroom that is respectful and reverent of the mushroom, which may potentiate its healing benefits.
One can begin by working with it on the energetic and psychic level. I was guided by my curiosity and intuition to work with this mushroom, and have felt a joyous connection with this mushroom since I first saw it out in the forest. The elated feeling I would get from the mushroom actually was the indicator to me that I needed to learn more about it and so, my studies began.
It is important to do your own research- don’t just take my word for granted. I started finding and reading lots of articles, watching videos and I took a workshop from the Fungi Academy, featuring a woman who goes by the name “Amanita Dreamer.” I started to feel more and more confident that ingesting A. muscariawas not dangerous but could actually be in divine alignment for me. I started to align with certain people out there who’s perspective and knowledge of A.muscaria I found very helpful. (See resources at end.)
After the first big Autumn seasonal rains soaked the earth up where I live in northern California, I remember the day that I woke up and I just knew they were out there in the forest. I actually felt their presence in my psychic field. It had happened the season prior also, and so, my energetic connection had been developing for at least a couple of years before I felt it was time to actually harvest them. 
Before harvesting I had already learned that the active ingredients are in the caps and the potency is most prime when the mushroom is relatively “young,” before the cap has fully flattened out.  I would always leave the older mushrooms so that their spores could be released into the environment. When harvesting, I did so with reverence and gratitude.
When I brought the mushroom caps home, I dehydrated them at about 130 degrees until “cracker dry” as Amanita Dreamer refers to it. I then scraped the gills out from the cap, since the gills don’t contain the desired active ingredients. Note: Its easier and less of a mess to scrape them out once dried. I saved this scraped out contents into a jar to then release back to re-spore the forest.  The scraped out caps went into another jar. I kept these dried caps in jars on my altar and connected with them energetically until the day came when I knew it was time.
Potency varies from mushroom to mushroom and so when it comes to ingesting them, the most reliable way to get a consistent dosage is to ingest either the powder of the ground up mushroom caps (via tea or capsule) or from a tincture. I personally wanted to work with the caps whole so that I could see them with their beautiful color and not grind them up. I did indeed notice how one gram of dried mushroom caps varied from day to day, while micro-dosing. I actually enjoyed that mysterious aspect. For example, one morning a noticed much more of an effect, to where I actually needed to lay down- and it was a very healing and learning experience for me in slowing down and receiving.  I also have tried breaking off pieces from multiple different caps to get a more average range of potency and weighing out my desired dosage that way.
Because I resonated with it, I decided to follow the guidance of Adam, a fellow A. muscaria advocate and magical herbal alchemist who runs balticalchemy.com. I started with 1gram in the morning and 1g at night, making a tea. I break apart caps onto a small scale to weigh out and then steep the mushroom pieces in my tea for up to 10 minutes. I then have a ritual of sitting down at my altar and speaking my words of gratitude to the mushroom tea and my intentions while they steep.
Making a respectful and reverent “daily practice” or ritual with this mushroom, and any plant or mushroom medicine, is very important to me and is an important, integrative part of any "microdosing protocol.” This is where and how we RE-PATTERN and RE-PROGRAM ourselves. And this is how we also cultivate right relationship with our medicine.
I drink down the tea, with heart open in gratitude for the opportunity to commune with this mushroom. I also eat the mushroom pieces within it the tea.  I actually like to speak directly to the spirit of the mushroom, my gratitude and my prayers. I like to also do some EFT(Emotional Freedom Technique)/“tapping” and bodily stretching/movement and then I go about my day.
I usually feel the effects within the hour. Sometimes I feel a warmth in my heart space, or a warmth of peace and/or bliss sweeping through my body. There are many other subtle effects I have noticed and I feel it is important to keep certain things sacred and inside as it is my own mysterious journry I am on, which will be unlike any one else’s.
So far, My only experience in consuming a larger amount was in an Amanita muscaria ceremony which I attended and my experience was pleasant. Not only did we consume a strong tea of it but we also smoked it! That was rather harsh and I did not particularly like that but smoking of the top layer of the mushroom cap definitely does have an affect which can be described as childlike elation. I did notice my sense of taste become much more vivid and my perception became slightly warped. I definitely had a lot of energy which continued into the next day where I noticed how I was “talking a mile a minute” 😆
 Read more below about my own experience with micro-dosing ….
My Micro-dosing Testimonial
I noticed the positive benefits in only a few days- My anxiety, fight/flight sensations, worrying mind/thoughts- were simply GONE. My whole reality shifted just from being able to feel CALM again in mind and body. I realized how much a dis-regulated nervous system (“anxiety”) was negatively impacting my perception of reality. A.muscaria also helped me to re-configure my long time habitual relationship with cannabis. I made the decision to completely stop smoking cannabis the day I began working with A.muscaria, which has also contributed greatly to my increased energy and clarity of mind. 
Before this tremendous positive shift from A.muscaria, I could barely sit still. My outlook on life was very despairing and filled with self-doubt.   I have rapidly regained a positive outlook, more motivation and self-confidence and more focus. I have also been getting more sustained sleep through the night. I have felt more light hearted elation, and peace than I have experienced in the past couple of years.  
In summary, this beautiful mushroom has played a pivotal role in assisting me to get my nervous system back into a regulated place, after suffering the repercussions of being in “fight or flight” mode for an extended amount of time.don’t necessarily and I consider it to be such a powerful catalyst for me in my healing and coming into clarity and alignment with my truth. 
Amanita muscaria has become my most beloved ally from the forest, showing me that I too have so much to offer to this world once I stand in my power, with my innate wisdom, mystery, beauty, truth and love.
Resources- (I encourage you to do your own research!)
Websites:
1. www.amanitadreamer.net
2. www.reindeeramanita.com
3.  https://fungiacademy.com/
4. http://www.amanitaceae.org/
5. https://jgi.doe.gov/retracing-roots-fungal-symbioses/
6. https://www.technologynetworks.com/neuroscience/blog/harnessing-the-therapeutic-potential-of-muscimol-349541
7. https://www.mushroomstone.com/
8. https://themushroomcap.com/product/the-fungal-pharmacy/
9. https://www.ancientpages.com/2016/09/14/mysterious-ancient-mushrooms-in-myths-and-legends-sacred-feared-and-worshiped-among-ancient-civilizations-2/
10. https://www.balticalchemy.com/
11. https://harmonyacresfarms.org/
Books:
Fly Agaric: A Compendium of History, Pharmacology, Mythology, & Exploration, 
by Kevin M. Feeney
The Fungal Pharmacy by Robert Rogers
Mushrooms of the Redwood Coast- a comprehensive guide to the Fungi of Coastal Northern California. Noah Siegel and Christian Schwarz